The Fox Family Five

Hope...

2012-02-10T18:56:00.001-08:00

Since ending chemotherapy in March 2011 I have been waiting and waiting for my body to feel 'back to normal'. Even a LITTLE better would have been great. Instead it feels like my health just continues to decline. I did have a brief honeymoon period where I didn't feel like I wanted to die anymore...so there was that. I felt like a survivor, in a bad way. I was ONLY surviving...and waiting. Any work I did to try and help my body backfired on me and I'd wind up feeling even worse. Then, several weeks ago I got a headache. It hasn't gone away since. Not for a single minute. Well, if I take vicodin I can't feel it but that only lasts about 3 and a half hours...then it starts creeping back up on me. I wake up every morning with a pounding headache, no energy, and feeling like I've been hit by a truck. My joints hurt, my head hurts...mostly my heart hurts. I'm not the mom I want to be when I feel this way. I'm not the anything I want to be right now. I've had a head CT, I've whined to every one of my many specialists...and nothing. They just look at me like "Hey, we saved your life....Yay me!" I don't want it to sound like I'm not grateful. I am. I am SO grateful...it would just be such a waste to spend this reclaimed life on the couch or in bed in pain and dysfunctional. Right? For the first time in a looooong time I had no hope. None. On Wednesday I did what every slightly sane, totally desperate person would do. I listened to a friend who'd been asking me to try her Chiropractor/Applied Kinesiology Practitioner. I made a same day appointment, went, endured the quite calming (almost soothing, really) testing and was amazed at what this person could tell me about my body in such a short amount of time. The appointment length was limited though, so I had to go back today for a follow up. This is what I learned (in a nutshell). Here is the brief run down of today's appointment. I started 3 supplements and a topical wheat germ oil for all my scars. Her belief is that my thyroid is in an auto-immune shut down (Hashimoto's Disease). We're going to try and help it heal and kick start it. I have an appointment with my regular primary care doc on Monday. My hope is to have him follow my care and work WITH my Applied Kinesiologist. I'm hopeful that I'll be feeling better soon!My list of 'stressed' organs are: Cerebellum, Thyroid, Adrenals, Ascending Colon and...yeah I know there's one more but can't remember now. Woops. We're starting with the Thyroid anyway. Th etheory is that you fix/help support the issues in the order of 'importance', instead of trying to fix everything at once. The idea is that as your body gets healthier and stronger some of the systems will begin correcting themselves. Let's hope anyway. Here are the supplements she sent me home with (all are made by Standard Process):http://www.livestrong.com/article/484968-what-does-thytrophin-pmg-do-for-your-body/http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=152 http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=127 http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=105 http://www.standardprocess.com/display/StandardProcessCatalog.spi?ID=157I was also asked to avoid processed foods, Wheat, Corn, Dairy (except butter), and the biggie...SUGAR! ACK. She seems pretty down to earth about it and knows it'll be a challenge and a process to wean off...especially the sugar. I know I can do it...especially if it'll help me feel better...but DANG! No cheese AND no sugar? *POUT*My next appointment with her is on Wednesday afternoon. If I have any late breaking news before then I'll update, if not, you can expect an update Wednesday night or Thursday. I need some wine. I wonder how that'll mix with my whole food supplements?

2012-01-21T23:39:00.001-08:00

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

2012-01-01T17:26:00.000-08:00

Day One.

Happy New Year! My biggest resolution this year is to make the effort to form a better connection with my friends and family. I really need to invest in the people I love and who love me. Part of that will be keeping this blog up to date. The boys are growing quickly and while our life feels pretty mundane most of the time...well, time keeps ticking away and before we know it this chapter of our lives will close. I plan to participate in Project 365. You take and post a photo a day. From what I understand it can be of anything...so long as you take and post one.

The biggest part of this resolution, though, is to spend more face or phone time with all of you. While I love keeping up with my people on FB, blogger, text etc. I'm not loving that it's taken the place of real life relationship. The people I love are important to me. Important enough that I will MAKE the time for you. At some point people stopped calling/checking in/visiting etc. Most people had good intentions...not wanting to bother us during really hard times of our lives. Regardless, I feel disconnected and lonely. I'm done wondering why, feeling neglected and/or blaming. I'm making the time and effort to change a part of my life I don't like. I need my people. Period.

Why am I sharing this instead of just doing it? Good question. Accountability and help. I need you to hold me accountable. I also may need help getting back in to the habit of being connected. At the risk of sounding pathetic, I'm pretty self conscious and don't want to 'bug' people or force a relationship that they don't desire. So, help me out and call me, invite me to coffee, or even our family to a BBQ/gathering/etc.

Last, but never least, I feel like I need to thank all of you again for loving our family through these last several years. If you're still around, you've seen us through a lot. We've spent most of the past 10 years in survival mode. It's hard to invest in anything when you're struggling to keep your head above water. If you're still here, loving us, thank you.

Let's make this year beautiful. Mmmm'kay?

Win a Cricut...

2011-05-05T11:09:00.000-07:00

http://www.favecrafts.com/sweeps/Cricut-Expression-2-Anniversary-Edition-Giveaway#

I am the proud owner of a Cricut Cake. Granted, because of my health issues I've yet to really get into using it. Now that I'm feeling better I'm really wanting to use it, but my original intent was to buy a Cricut paper cutter as well. I had every intention of coordinating greeting cards and baked goods with all the amazing Cricut cartridges. Like most gals these days, though, I'm having a really hard time justifying squeezing a 'toy' into our tight budget. Wouldn't it be SO fun to WIN one? Yeah, I think so to. You can't win if you don't enter. Good Luck!

http://www.favecrafts.com/sweeps/Cricut-Expression-2-Anniversary-Edition-Giveaway#

Shamrocking...TEAM #9500.

2011-02-10T10:27:00.000-08:00

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=145622505498009

How to register:

Your team number is 9500. Below are some instructions to help you assist your teammates in registering. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Go to:

http://www.shamrockrunportland.com/

Click on the orange box that says:

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER ONLINE
SHAMROCK HOODED SWEATSHIRTS FOR SALE, TOO

Select category:

Team Option - 15 or more $27.00

Don’t forget to check this box:

I understand and agree to the waiver and release*

JUST CLICK CONTINUE ON THIS PAGE:

If you have a Discount Code, please enter it here:

Fill out all your registration information and don’t forget to put your team number here:

Team Registration Number* *(Children age 12 and younger can be on a Team if the team has at least 15 members who are age 13 or older).*

Blog on the back burner...

2010-11-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

A HUGE thanks goes out to DragonLeaf .
http://www.dragonleafphotography.com/

So many things are on the back burner right now. To be quite honest I'm not even sure if we HAVE front burners at this point. :) Mama's chemo schedule (if your head is spinning visit: www.ChemoMom.blogspot.com)is taking up a little more time each cycle. Thankfully we're almost half way through! YES!

Mama's super proud of her 3 favorite guys. They've adjusted well to not being able to lean on mom quite so much these days. That, in big part, is because their daddy has stepped up in a big way for them. *swoon* Really, these people I've been blessed with are amazing. Even my Hadley, who has been gone nearly 2 years, is still blessing me. Feeling the way I do...wanting to call it quits...being stretched way too thin...makes me a scosh grumpy. Then, I think of my amazing girl...her crooked smile, her love of people, the pure joy she found in the simplest things, how tough she was when we had to put her through hell to try and save her. I fall WAY short of the example she set but, I can strive. These four people make this mama better.

To backtrack a bit...we had a ~~good~~, ~~busy,~~ crazy summer. The boys spent nearly a month with G'ma and G'pa Fox. Mama's surgery and cancer diagnosis was something they wanted to be FAR from. So, they sought refuge at G'ma's house. :) Mama wishes she could have run away too.

We moved out of Portland and into the 'burbs. This move took place days after my release from the hospital following major abdominal surgery removing large portions of my colon and small intestine...and just before Brandon's L4/L5 fusion, so we were both restricted to lifting no more than about 10-15 lbs. Needless to say we hired movers. We did all the packing and prep (with the help of a few loyal and amazing friends and family members) and then left all the heavy lifting for the pros. The bill at the end of moving day nearly put me in shock...but, was SO worth it. That move put us in a much better neighborhood, a much bigger single family home (with a yard), and a great school district/neighborhood school for the same amount of money we were paying in the city for a townhouse. We decided, prior to this move that it was time to move the boys to public school. So far we have had a wonderful experience. The boys have adjusted well and are thriving in their new environment. We are pleased with their teachers and the amount of time and energy they are putting into the education of EACH child. I really feel like this move was absolutely best for our family. <3

The boys started school on September 7th. Keegan is in 3rd grade, Liam is in 1st. This is quite unbelievable to me. These crazy guys have grown up SO fast. They are loving school. Their favorite parts of the day are riding the bus and recess. Surprise! *snort* They're both making new friends and are enjoying the change.

Just after school started Mama started Chemo and The Mister had his surgery. Thankfully, for all parties involved, Gramma drove out and stayed for almost two weeks to help and keep us sane. I'm fairly certain we still owe her a FULL day at a spa to help her recover. <3 The Mister's surgery went exactly as planned and he was home in record time. He's been a trooper and a half...and has had to do way more around the house than he probably should have. His next follow up is on Monday. He'll have Xrays and find out what the next several weeks will look like for him. His brace may be dc'd, he may be going back to work etc. We'll see what the good doc has to say about his films. I'm still not breathing exactly right...not until he gets the 'all clear' that his back problem is 'fixed' and he's fit for full duty. I'll update next week on this.

In mid October I was able to fly to Northern Idaho for five glorious days with my bestie. Her friend Jennifer and I threw her a Halloween theme baby shower for Littlest Sister. It was so fun! Plus, I got to lay around and be lazy with my bestie (she's on modified bed rest...and I'm a lazy slob). I loved the slower pace of this trip. Getting to spend some 'quiet' time with her kiddos was so nice. I fell like I haven't been able to do that since we all moved. It was nice to reconnect. This girl is an amazing mama...and it shines in her kids...even when they're making her crazy. ;) I love you friend, and can't wait for the next visit...but, will, so let's keep that baby baking...M'kay?!?

Halloween/Fall

It's always way more fun to just show you pics of this time of year. ;)

Liam's field trip to Liepold Farms.

Pumpkin Carving. Liam's a scosh too excited.

That's better...

Keegan showing an appropriate amount
of anticipation.

Thar be the pumpkin guts.

The Mister and the boys making messes
and loving every minute.

Murphy had to get in on the fun.
He's a ferocious Shark.

The Mister always knew The Mama needed
a Witch hat...now it's finally happened. <3

My guys on Halloween Night. <3

Halloween Party Night.
Because we value cake in this house.
Maybe a little too much. ;)

Liam 11/1/10
Perseverance Award

Our last 'order of business' is honoring Mr Liam. He was given a Character Education Award for the month of November. The character trait is Perseverance. In the assembly some of the students helped to define perseverance as: Never giving up, trying again and again and again, and always keeping on going. That sounds like my boy to me. <3 We love you and are so proud of you little man. You are SO wise for your age.

Liam receiving his award from his
Principle.

I Just Won 50 Swag Bucks on www.swagbucks.com

2010-11-03T14:52:00.000-07:00

I Just Won 50 Swag Bucks on www.swagbucks.com

Chemo Mom...

2010-09-13T12:36:00.000-07:00

I have created a separate blog for all of my Chemo/Cancer related blabbing.
www.ChemoMom.blogspot.com

Feel free to stop by...or not. <3

Cowboys...

2010-07-26T10:39:00.003-07:00

The boys are in Idaho with the grandparents this week. They were treated to the rodeo AND new clothes. :)

Are they not the most handsome boys EVER? Gosh I miss their faces.

Let's Do The Time Warp AAAAgaaaaaaiiiinnnn...

2010-06-08T08:52:00.021-07:00

How does that one go? Come on now...don't be shy. I KNOW you know it. *wink*

It's just a jump to the left
And then a step to the right
With your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,
Let's do the Time Warp again!

Ok, now just TRY and get that song out of your head for the rest of the day. *You'reWelcome*

My last blog post was February 13th. It is now *ahem* June 8th. The boys are in their last week of school and we're hitting the ground running this summer. I honestly don't even know where to begin in catching everyone up. Has anything happened in the last four months? It never feels like it...but, oh yes...there's always SOMETHING going on here. *snicker*

February
Mama's blood struggles continued to make her crazy.

We brought home our sweet Murphy Boy

We went to see Walking With Dinosaurs *eeeeeek*

Our friends Chris and Dawn got remarried <3

March

Mama's car was broken into. *sigh*

My sweet niece, Anastaysja, turned 3. Yes! THREE.

Mama and The Mister celebrated 10 years of wedded-ness with a week on Oahu! (we even accidentally found ourselves on the set of LOST! F'real!!!)

The morning after returning from Hawaii we all did a 5k in memory of our Hadley Bug. The boys and I walked and The Mister ran. Go mister, go.

Our sweet Murphy fell victim to a TERRIBLE grooming job at Petco. Poor humiliated Murph.

***Spring Break***
We got to take the cousins to the zoo.

We went to Oaks Park.

...and the boys spent some time in Idaho with the fam. :)

April

Cousin Reagan turned ONE!

We made a trip to Orofino (aka 1985) for Morgan's 7th birthday!!!

Liam played Spring Soccer.

Mama turned...*ahem* had a birthday...and The Mister threw her a party at The Rheinlander. (I know, right?!?)

May

We went to Olympia for the ceremony adding Pop Pop's name to the Washington State Law Enforcement Memorial.

While we were up there we went to The Great Wolf Lodge!!!

Over Memorial Day we went camping at Champoeg State Park. The mister had duty so, The Mama played "single Mama" and decided that camping is for when BOTH mom and dad can go...at least until the boys are a LITTLE older. Overall, it was a fun trip though. ;)

June...

It's only the 8th of June and so far this month...Liam has broken a finger, The mister has bought a 'new' truck, and Liam has survived a nasty looking spider bite.

We still have 2 1/2 days of school, Camp, and Uncle Brandon and Megan's wedding on the books. I will TRY to be better about blogging. Maybe, then, it won't take me so long to update. *sigh*

Hope your week is a good one.

A grateful gripe...

2010-02-13T17:55:00.002-08:00

Ok so the gratefulness and the gripe are kind of separate but, for some reason that little oxymoron was stuck in my head. So, there ya go. You're welcome.

First, thank you. Thank you friends, family, loyal readers and supporters (BOTH of you *snort*) for your thoughts and prayers during the past several months. December was hard. My surgery that shouldn't have been a big deal...and then was. The deep vein thrombosis that turned into multiple DVT's. My stubborn blood that refused to anti-coagulate. Bed rest. More bed rest. Oh, are you doing better, could it be?...oh, no...more bed rest. That, believe it or not was the easy part. December 12th marked the one year anniversary of our sweet girl's death. We spent Thanksgiving and the entire Christmas season without her. We welcomed the second year that she never lived in. I had really hoped that January was the turning point. Starting January 1st we would shake off the funk that December brought and get well...and happy...and I would return to school. Everything was moving in the right direction. Then...

January 3rd Hadley's Pop Pop, my mom's husband, was killed in an accident while on duty with the Grant County Sheriff's Office. He was killed immediately. Thank you for surrounding my mom, step brothers and all of our family in your prayer and love. Please continue to do so. Grief is hard, hard work.

Now, so as to make myself look like a total jerk I'm going to complain and say that I am ToTALLY ready for my doctor to clear me for exercise again. I don't even care if it's low impact. I would settle for walking on a treadmill or water aerobics. Seriously. I have gained an ungodly amount of weight in a ridiculously short amount of time. I am back near my heaviest weight ever. It's really hard to face this and not feel like I've failed myself.

I have a follow up appointment with my hematologist on 2/18/10 (Thursday) to, hopefully, get the results of all the blood work they did and to repeat my CBC and talk about treatment options for my anemia and overall crappy blood counts. They were looking for a suspected blood disease/disorder that could be causing the clots and/or the resistance to treatment. There was brief mention of "the C word" but, I ignored that entirely. *wink*

So, there are my thanks, my gripes and my plea for further prayers.

Have a happy Valentine's Day. DOn't take your loved ones for granted. Take this Hallmark created day to let your loved ones just how much you adore them...even if you don't spend a dime...ESPECIALLY if you don't spend a dime. Love your people!!!

Prayers.

2010-01-04T04:50:00.003-08:00

My mom's husband died in an accident while on duty last night. He was a Grant County, Wa Sheriff's Deputy. Very little is known about what happened yet. Please keep both my mom and John's sons and our entire family in your prayers. Thank you so much.

(Hadley and Pop Pop. Summer '05.)

2010.

2010-01-03T12:53:00.002-08:00

Hello, and happy new year! We managed to survive the holidays. This was our second Christmas without our girl. The pain was different this year. In many ways it cut a lot deeper. That first Christmas Hadley had only been gone for 2 weeks. We were still in such shock. Anyway, we survived. She was missed every single minute but, we take great comfort in the fact that she is no longer in pain and with the only being who can love her more perfectly than we can.

First, thank you for your prayers for our marriage. After much reflection and soul searching Brandon and I decided that it is in everyone's best interest for us to give our marriage the chance it deserves to survive. We are working on ourselves as individuals and on our marriage as a couple. We have a lot of work to do, both individually and together but, we are determined to grow closer through this. We thank you for your thoughts and prayers during this time. We both have so much on our plates, emotionally. Parenting our boys and aiding in their grief process, our own grief, personal growth and investing in and repairing our marriage. Exhausting but, like I said, we're determined.

Liam turned 6 on November 17th. Where does the time go. Wasn't Liam JUST 'baby Liam'? *tear* He is doing wonderfully in Kindergarten. He is a good friend and is meeting and surpassing all academic expectations. He was rewarded for displaying the character quality of FAITH this school year. We are so proud of him. He's really growing into quite the little man. A mischievous little man but, a man nonetheless.

Keegan will be 8 in just a few weeks (Jan 18th). Again, I just can't believe it. Sometimes when I'm watching them play I just sit and shake my head because I can't believe how much they've grown. Keegan is doing well at school too. His reading/comprehension scores are well beyond his grade level at 98 words per minute. He is reading chapter books with ease and fast enough that we are going to have to start accessing the library more often, or buy stock in Barnes and Noble. ;) Keegan received the character award for displaying INTEGRITY. Again, we are so proud of him. He is a very kind hearted young man and such a blessing.

Brandon is a coxswain at the station now. This means, basically, that he is in charge of a crew and drives the boats. He is responsible for responding to calls and his crew. He worked hard for quite some time for this. It is also a big step toward his next promotion. I am very proud of all his hard work. He is really enjoying this billet and seems to have found his niche.

As many of you know I've had some health issues recently. On December 4th I had a very simple knee repair surgery. My lateral meniscus was torn and needed to be cleaned up. The surgery went exactly as expected and was successful. A few days after surgery, though, I was in the ER with a lot of pain and swelling in my calf. I was diagnosed with a DVT (deep vein thrombosis or blood clot in a deep vein). I was started on blood thinners (and pain meds) immediately. Over the course of the rest of the month my dose of blood thinners was raised repeatedly but, lab work continues to show that my blood is still at a very high risk of clotting. Late in the month I developed two more DVT's (for a total of 3), this time at the knee and in my thigh. Currently I am on both an oral and subcutaneous injection blood thinners(for those in the medical field I'm up to 9mg/day of coumadin and 240mg/day Lovenox). I am on bed rest to prevent a pulmonary embolism and am at the doctor's office every other day for labs and doctor's visits to monitor and adjust everything. I have been restricted from driving because of the risk involved with my using my leg and the clots there...and also the danger involved with a pulmonary embolism happening while I'm behind the wheel (both to me and my passengers and the cars and pedestrians around me). For whatever reason, despite heavy doses of anticoagulants I am still at a high risk to develop more clots (last pro-time lab was 1.13). Please keep us in your prayers where this is concerned. I would really love to avoid any more clots, any complications with the coumadin and lovenox (meds) and, obviously, a pulmonary embolism would be a real pain too. Please pray for Brandon as he cares for the boys and I. Pray for my doctors as they care for me. Be thankful with us for the graciousness of Brandon's command. I am trying my best to ignore the seriousness of this situation. I just refuse to acknowledge that our family could really be put through anything else...

I'll get some pictures up soon.

Faith, Hope and Love to you all. <3

2009-11-03T18:23:00.001-08:00

Yes, Brandon and I are separated. That's about all most people need to know. The rest is between us. We are still great friends and there wasn't any huge drama. Yes, we realize we are grieving and no, we aren't making any huge decisions right now. Yes, we have talked about this with our boys and have encouraged them to ask questions etc. Our separation is not a secret but it IS a private matter. We ask that you respect that and pray for us. I assure you that God will know what we need even in you don't have all the details. ;)

Please understand that our hearts are broken, our lives have been up-heaved...and we need some time to help things settle. I'm sorry for being so blunt...and for the fact that many of you will find out about our separation this way. Please remember that we are trying to keep things positive for the boys. Little ears always hearing...so please choose your words carefully. The last thing either Brandon or I want is for the boys to hurt any more than they have already had to. We always have their best interest at heart in every small and large decision we make.

Thank you for your support during this difficult time.
Angela

2009-11-03T18:23:00.000-08:00

Not ME...

2009-06-30T09:12:00.004-07:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

First, and foremost, I am NOT blogging my Not Me Monday post a day late. Not Me. I am punctual. *wink*

When my five year old brought me an Instead cup out if it's wrapper this morning, inquiring as to what it was, I did NOT lie to him. I believe in being honest with your children and giving them accurate information on their level. I do not believe in lying to your children to save yourself time, embarrassment etc. at their expense. So, of course I didn't lie to my sweet, curious boy.

I did not allow my children to eat brownies for breakfast their first morning home from camp. I am firm in my rules because children thrive in an environment where they know what to expect and what is expected of them. I wouldn't offer my kids eggs and then walk out of the room with an open dish of brownies sitting on the counter when they balk at their other options. Furthermore, it certainly wasn't me who answered "I don't care...go ahead...just don't make a big mess..." when my angelic children actually foiled my plan of 'ignoring' the brownie situation by ASKING FOR PERMISSION to eat brownies for breakfast. I would never...nope, it wasn't me!

I did NOT go to the bank first thing this morning thinking it was the first of the month, and therefore pay day, and nearly have a heart attack when I saw our account balance. I am level headed and respond well to stressful situations. Not to mention the fact that I am all kinds of on top of things so, of course I know that the first, and pay day, is TOMORROW. I simply wouldn't make those mistakes. Not ME!

I did not go to Portland International Airport this morning bra-less, in sweats and with two children without shoes and in their jammies in tow. We all know that a good mom is ready for any situation no matter what time it is. This mommy would never do that...must have been someone else you saw because it certainly wasn't me!

So...all of you who think I am hiding a cape...Now you know the truth...Not Me! =)

Can't leave out the dishes...

2009-05-02T16:56:00.002-07:00

So, now that we're figuring out how to save money in the laundry room let's move on to the kitchen. =) In retrospect I probably should have started there. It is a little simpler to make and would have helped you see that you CAN do it and it WILL work as good, if not better, than the expensive stuff with all the crazy chemicals etc. Blech. But, you all know I never do anything the way I should. *wink*

Here's the 'recipe':

1 cup borax
1 cup washing soda
3-5 drops of tea tree oil*

I put it all in an empty plastic container and shake it up. I put one tablespoon in each compartment (for a total of 2 tbsp per load).

*Optional-I did add this. I bought the natural 100% tea tree oil in the health food dept of Fred Meyer. It was about $10 for the little bottle but, it will last forever and has a ton of household uses. Everything from an all natural antiseptic for cuts/wounds to blemish control for your face and some companies add it to their shampoo to help keep the scalp as clean as possible and promote healthy hair growth. So, there you have it. =)

Now, if you love your rinse aid or have wanted to use one but, refused to spend even more money on detergents etc (like me) it's your lucky day. Remember the huge jug of white vinegar we bought for the laundry? Now, you can pour it in your rinse aid dispenser in your dishwasher. Trust me...you will be a happy little homemaker. =)

Now that we've saved so much money...what will we DO with it? Bwa ha ha ha. =) *snort*

"Fabric Softener"

2009-05-02T13:16:00.003-07:00

More brilliance. If you have a fabric softener dispenser on your machine then this is super easy. If you don't you can use a downy ball etc...or, if you have nothing better to do =) you can just manually add it to the rinse cycle. =) You will use this INSTEAD of fabric softener or Fabric Softener sheets.

1/4 to 1/2 Cup White Vinegar.

I promise your clothes will not smell like Vinegar. It helps soften your fabrics and remove soap reside naturally. =) Awesome. Just DO NOT use bleach in the same load as Vinegar.

Not only is this all natural and CHEAP but, it may help extend the life of your dryer as well. When we bought our new HE machines from Sears they recommended we not use dryer sheets. Apparently they can get wrapped up in 'something' (I am a mom of very little brain and can't remember what) and cause the motor to burn and possibly even a house fire!!! What?!?

I have used Vinegar for a long time in laundry. I started when I had the kids in cloth diapers and I used it in them and LOVED it. Yes, I am THAT mom. What? *wink*

If you can find your vinegar in a big jug it is cheaper that way and you won't have buy it very often. I know Costco has a huge jug for something like $2??? I think. I'll report back on Monday after my Costco trip.

So, there you have it. All natural, all wallet friendly laundry, all the time. Oh yeah. *snort*

Laundry for Pennies...

2009-05-02T00:26:00.008-07:00

I have decided recently that being thrifty isn't something we should 'do' just when we HAVE to. You can read that however you want....but, for this pay check to paycheck enlisted military family...it means that sometimes the month lasts longer than the paycheck. If'n ya catch my drift. So, I have been trying to find painless ways to save a bit here and there. My initial worry was that I'd be sacrificing quality to save money but, I've found that, with a little added work, just isn't the case. I like to TRY and keep our home as 'natural' an environment as I can. I don't always succeed but, I figure if I do several little things it has to make a difference right? I have found in this quest to save money that if I forgo some of the 'deals' and commit to a little work I can have high quality product at a VERY small price.

My FIRST find is Home Made Laundry Soap. You can find 'recipes' online. The one I used came from a fellow Coast Guard Spouse. I felt confident trying it after a lot of glowing recommendations from other spouses. It is super easy to make and you may just briefly lose consciousness when you see how much it will cost you...or rather SAVE you. =) You make a 5 gallon bucket of CONCENTRATE at once. Once you have the concentrate made you use old (rinsed out) laundry soap containers (reusing=recycling's older and wiser brother...yay). For each gallon of finished laundry soap you use 1/2 gallon of your concentrate, so your 5 gallon bucket will yield TEN gallons of laundry detergent!!! That equates into roughly 180 loads for a traditional machine or 640 loads for an HE or Front Loader! Wow...right?!?

Now picture all those big laundry soap bottles...pesky right? I hate those. Even the 2x or HE soap bottles are a pain. No MORE! =)

Now, would you like to guess how much this batch of laundry soap will cost you to make? Wait for it....right around $2.10. Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself. I did the math (with a calculator and everything). Of course your prices may vary given different stores, container sizes and cost of living factors etc. but this will give you a rough idea.

1 Fells Naptha Soap Bar=$1.29 (makes 1 batch)
1 box of Arm and Hammer WASHING Soda=$3.29 (makes 6 1/2 batches)
1 box Borax Laundry Booster=$5.50 (makes 19 batches)

$1.29
.51
+ .29
-------
$2.09

That's about a PENNY for each load for traditional washers and about 5 loads for a PENNY and a half in an HE or Front Loader Machine! SERIOUSLY. *gasp* Right?!?

The only other things you need are:

1--5 gal. bucket With a lid. Any clean one will do. I bought one at Fred Meyer for $4.
Hot water
1--Grater for soap ( I used the slicer/shredder/Grater attachment for my KitchenAid this is quick and easy but, any grater will do.)
stove top
pan for melting down grated soap and water

This takes a minimal amount of time and will save you a good chunk of money (and help our planet a bit too).

Sold yet?

Here are the instructions:

1 bar of soap, grated (I used Fels-Naptha Brand)
1 cup washing soda (Arm & Hammer Brand)
1/2 cup Borax
4 cups HOT water

Grate the soap, and put into a pan on the stove with the 4 cups of HOT water and cook over med low heat until the soap is melted.

Pour into a 5 gallon bucket, add the Borax and Washing Soda and stir well.

Add HOT water (we used the bath tub) to the top of the bucket to equal 5 gallons of liquid.

Let sit over night. This mixture will gel. Stir well the next morning. Take an old clean laundry detergent container and add 1 quart of laundry detergent concentrate and 1 quart of HOT water, screw on the top and shake well. You now have 1/2 gallon of homemade liquid laundry detergent. Shake before each use. You can add essential oils at this point if you so desire. I picked up some Tea Tree Oil to help with 'disinfecting' and the yummy smell.

Top Load Machine- 5/8 Cup per load (Approx. 180 loads) Front Load Machines- ¼ Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

A Mom and A Dad.

2009-04-28T09:31:00.004-07:00

We are all different. People are unique. We each use life experiences and lessons differently. Beyond that, we all experience them differently. We all fill different roles and bring different strengths and weaknesses to the table. It's what makes life interesting and rich and complete. I'm thankful for our differences...no matter how hard it is at times.

As the mom of Hadley, Keegan and Liam my job was/has been to tend to their needs and see to their general well being 24/7/365. I have not worked outside the home. These children, my husband and my home have been my job, my life, my entire world for nearly 9 1/2 years. Since 4/22/04 my job has been to care for a chronically and life threateningly ill child and to keep her and her brothers lives as 'normal' as possible. Sometimes this was nearly impossible. At times it meant sacrificing carrying on Liam's diaper bag so that Hadley's small suitcase of meds and chemo could come along on vacation. Sometimes it meant spending an hour taping up and protecting Hadley's central line so she could run in the sprinklers with her brothers. A lot of the time it was putting my own fears aside and just allowing my children to be children...and one step beyond that...encouraging them to be happy and adventurous and...themselves. I was trained to care for a child who had a rare disease. A child who statistics no longer applied to. I was trained to remain vigilant and alert to any and all signs of danger to her. She was in a fragile state for nearly 5 years...no matter how 'normal' I tried to make things feel/seem. I had to stay alert or...or she could die. It was my job around the clock...for nearly 5 years. It was my life.

As the dad of Hadley, Keegan and Liam, Brandon's job was to go to 'work'. To present our family, to the Coast Guard, as typical and average, and himself as an asset to them. He put food on the table, a roof over our head and provided insurance for our family but, most importantly, Hadley. When he was home he loved on our kids and tried to make sure that I was doing ok. For Hadley's last 2 years, though, he was rarely home (until her last few months). His life, for the most part, was wrapped up in the Coast Guard. I can't and won't fault him that. It was necessary and in the best interest of our family. It is what it is.

These roles however, have led us to very different places in our grief. I am having a hard time switching roles from 'mom of chronically ill child' to 'mom of two healthy children'. Brandon is still dad. I will never undermine his grief or say my grief is greater. It's not the case at all. Our grief is what it is. Our roles as parents are a separate issue. His role has stayed much the same. Mine has changed drastically. Because of this we are in different places. He has a hard time understanding why I worry the way I do...why I still act like I have a sick kid. I have a hard time understanding how he can act like everything is 'normal'.

For the first time since Hadley died I was truly angry at my husband over her journey and death. I feel like I was abandoned to deal with and handle most of it on my own...and now he wonders why I'm not doing better and putting it behind me (the cancer journey...NOT Hadley). I feel angry that the one person who should be in a similar place as me...that should have many of the same experiences as me doesn't. I have to keep convincing myself that it's nobody's fault. He had to be gone for 3/4's of the year because it's his job. He doesn't fear the things I fear because he wasn't here through all of it. Most importantly, that he payed a different price. He missed so much time...

I am trying...nobody ever said this would be easy...but, nobody ever said it'd be this damned hard.

Blessed and Cheated...

2009-04-26T17:37:00.003-07:00

The Blessed
The Cheated

Today was discouraging, hard, sad...horrible. So bad that I actually did the one thing that I vowed I'd never do and meant. I yelled at my boys because I am sad and angry that my girl is gone. I feel terribly guilty and will do everything in my power to never ever do that again. EVER.

Most days I am thankful, so thankful, that I get to say that I am Hadley's mom. I feel blessed that she is mine and I am hers. I feel lucky that my boys are healthy and happy and amazingly well adjusted. I feel proud that my marriage is strong and, no matter how imperfect, our love and relationship is genuine and real. I have everything I need and more. I am an extremely blessed woman who lost her child.

Today, I feel angry. Angry that Hadley's miracle was in heaven and not here with me. Confused as to why things played out the way they did. Why did Hadley die when so many other children survive? Sad that I have so many years ahead of me without this child that I learned to love so completely and knew so well. I feel cheated and let down. I wonder why. Did we not pray hard enough? Were there not enough people begging for her miracle? Did we not scour the country for a cure? Did we not do everything we were asked by her doctors? Did I not give her EVERY dose of medicine exactly as I was instructed? Did we not sacrifice enough with Brandon being gone so much and me single parenting? Was it not enough that she was sick in the first place? Were the surgeries and treatment not a big enough load to bear?

I feel stuck between two places. Almost as if I have two lives. The one that is rich and happy and blessed...and the one with this horrible tragedy. This deep dark sadness that doesn't let go. In one scenario I feel lucky to be alive...in the other, I feel as though I'm constantly on the verge of nervous breakdown. The problem is that I don't have multiple personality disorder. That almost seems like an easier scenario to deal with. I have to make these two scenarios one.

This is my life. This is my grief. This is love. When you love someone with all of your heart it breaks entirely when they have to move on. I gave my girl all of myself for the 8 years she was here. I neglected the rest of my life and now I am having to work to figure out who I am without her here. It's something I'd much rather not do. I'd rather her just be here with me. I loved who I was when I was with Hadley. Maybe I need to figure out how to be 'me with Hadley' without Hadley. *sigh*

Support Broken Hearts!!!

2009-04-07T18:38:00.002-07:00

My sweet boys are jumping for the American Heart Association. If you are able please help them out. Here are their sites:
https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=284641&lis=1&kntae284641=4C28A8B8A8D04F79B1380FEED2BC7220&supId=252605907

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=284641&lis=1&kntae284641=4C28A8B8A8D04F79B1380FEED2BC7220&supId=252605693

Welcome to the world...

2009-04-01T22:19:00.004-07:00

Baby Reagan!!!

4/1/09
7lbs 3ozs

Mommy and Reagan are both doing well.

A Memorial and Raising Awareness...

2009-03-31T14:57:00.003-07:00

Our family will be attending the annual memorial service for patients of Doernbecher Children's Hospital on Saturday. We are able to take a few items and pictures to display. I've heard that the service is nice. I know a lot of people weren't able to attend Hadley's service because of the crazy weather so, if any of you would like to join us I'll post the information for you. Please keep our family and all those who are attending in your prayers as we grieve for our sweet children together.

Doernbecher Annual Memorial Service
Honoring and celebrating the lives of Doernbecher patients who died from March 1, 2008-March 1, 2009.

OHSU Auditorium (Old Library Building)
Saturday April 4th, 2009
2:00-3:00

Parking adjacent to the Old Library Building
refreshments will follow in the Great Hall.

April is going to be a difficult month. A lot of anniversaries. Stevie's diagnosis and death. Hadley's diagnosis and surgery. I suppose that it will just be hard for a while. I don't need an anniversary to remember what has happened...what my girl endured...how broken my heart is. She is everywhere and that is both comforting and heartbreaking at the same time.

May is Brain Tumor Awareness Month!!! You can order the gear you need (HADLEY is pictured in GROUP 1) here: http://www.cafepress.com/btwallofcourage . All the gear was made and the store is maintained by a fellow Brain Tumor Angel Mom. Please help us raise awareness!

I long to hold my girl, smell her hair, hear her laughter, experience her magic and just live this crazy life by her side again. It's weird the things I miss. It's been SO long since someone has called me "Hadley's mom". For years I was introduced and referred to as "Hadley's Mom". Her spirit was so big that she didn't belong to us. We belonged to her. It was obvious. The boys were HER brothers, Brandon HER dad. Everywhere we went people knew her and smiled and laughed with her. We were her entourage. I miss being "Hadley's mom". I guess I forgot that I actually do have a name. I like "Hadley's Mom" better.

Please be kind to each other. Find joy. Make magic. Find reasons to laugh and smile. Hope...always HOPE.

Angela

2009-03-22T16:44:00.001-07:00

MySpace Comments
-- Helen Claes&h1x=30&h1y=55.4&bcolor=0x990066&tcolor=0xffffff&dom=http://www.colorarmy.com" quality="high" wmode="transparent" width="390" height="390" name="Cool Breeze" align="middle" allowScriptAccess="samedomain" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" />
Make Cool Breeze Comments at colorarmy.com

Re-Opening Sale!

2009-03-20T11:42:00.001-07:00

http://www.marykay.com/angelafox

I've re-opened my Mary Kay website. I'd love to get back into the swing of things and thank my past and current customers for hanging in there with me over the past several months by offering 25% off EVERYTHING! And, as always, FREE SHIPPING and a few other exciting FREE offers to choose from as well. http://www.marykay.com/angelafox/whatsnew/freeoffers/default.aspx

If you haven't checked out Mary Kay lately you're missing out. They have completely updated and freshened up their look. Check out all the Beauty Editor's picks MK is currently boasting!!! http://www.marykay.com/angelafox/content/company/pr_beautyeditorspicks.aspx

If you have any questions feel free to contact me.
Thanks!!! =)

I will subtract the 25% before proccesing your credit card payment. If you prefer, you can also mail a check. Either way I'll send you an email with your total final total. =)

Keegan on Woodrow Wilson.

2009-03-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

Keegan's Woodrow Wilson Research Project.

Beating Odds...

2009-03-18T00:05:00.002-07:00

Nine years ago today I married my first true love. He is my rock, my soft place to fall, my shoulder to cry on and my friend responsible for reminding me when it's time to pull myself up by my bootstraps. He has trusted me to be his wife, the mother of his children and the manager of our family. He has been an amazing father and provider. I am so proud of him.

When I married this boy of mine he was just that, a boy. We were young. I was 21 he was almost 21. We had no idea the storms that were waiting for us. No idea. Oddly enough the 'sermon' in our wedding was about those who choose love and are willing to sacrifice for it. Not all love stories are a fairy tale. This boy of mine became a man that I adore even more than the day I married him. He has chosen love so many times. I am so grateful.

On a side note, I refuse to believe that this love of ours isn't a fairy tale kind of love. Every fairy tale has a tragic element. I refuse to give up hope for our happily ever after.

I love you Brandon. Thank you for sharing this crazy, wonderful, awful, beautiful life with me.

Angela

Time Lapse...

2009-03-11T22:14:00.005-07:00

Keegan (2 1/2), Liam (11 mos.) and Hadley (4) in October, 2004.

Liam (almost 5), Hadley (8) and Keegan (6 1/2) October, 2008.

I love these kids so much. SO much. Hadley has taught me so much about life and love, strength and gentleness, perseverance and peace. She lived her life with so much beauty, grace and love. She never stopped amazing me. She amazed me up until her last breath. No, she continues to amaze me. She always will. My boys keep me going. I get out of bed and face a nearly unbearable amount of pain every day because I love them so much. There is no way I could ever contribute to their heartache. I have committed to living my life well in honor of my girl but, I am reminded every day that my boys are the ones who need me. They need to see me living and enjoying life to it's fullest. I am afraid. I am terrified. I am heartbroken. I cry. I am sad. BUT, I WILL live. I WILL love. I WILL enjoy the life I've been blessed with. I can't let this grief overwhelm me.

Brandon and I will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary on the 17th. I loved him so much when we got married. I had no idea how much we would face. How much we would grow. How much our love would grow. He works so hard and then is expected to give so much of himself at home. We have literally spent hours a week with him for the past few months. His work schedule is such that he stays overnight at work several days a week. On top of his 48-72 hour shifts he's been there on his 'days off' as well trying to get caught up from all his time off with Hadley. Then he has a basket case for a wife and two boys who need more from him now than they ever have before. I have leaned on him for help with things that I have done on my own for our entire marriage. He has been so strong and so amazing. I don't know how he balances everything but, he has and I am so thankful and proud. He loves me so much more than I deserve.

Tooting my own horn...

2009-03-04T19:34:00.004-08:00

kind of. Pretty sad that I've lost 21 lbs and still have SO far to go. But, I'll take the progress. =)

And...before anyone asks I've been sticking pretty closely to Tosca Reno's "Eat Clean" and have been working out/running several times a week. =) I hope to be a thinner version of my former self by summer. =)

Shamrock Run

2009-03-02T16:08:00.000-08:00

Hello friends,

I just wanted to check in with everyone. Just 13 days until the run. Are you ready? I'll be 'training' till the very last second. *oy*

If you haven't done so already remember to register. You can do that here (scroll down for the registration form):

Don't forget!!!

Team Name: Hadley's Gift
Team Leader: Angela Fox

https://www.signmeup.com/site/reg/register.aspx?fid=NM2V8K7

Also, if you are planning on attending please send me a message here: HadleysGift@yahoo.com

and let me know:

if you have more than one family member participating (how many?).

Which event you're participating in.

if you'd like to meet for lunch at Rock Bottom Brewery afterward.

Thank you so much for helping our family remember and honor our girl and raise money for Doernbecher. Keep pushing yourselves. =)

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angela Fox

www.HadleyFox.com

2006 The Montage

2009-02-25T19:06:00.004-08:00

I was looking around for a video and found this in my One True Media account. 2006 was such a fun year. =) It's so bittersweet to watch. I miss my girl so much.

**Pause the playlist at the bottom of the page before playing** =)

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Today's Soap Box...

2009-02-25T13:46:00.003-08:00

My 2 cents are added below the quote.

http://www.cbo.gov/ftpdocs/99xx/doc9925/12-18-HealthOptions.pdf

Chapter# 9/Page# 173 & 174
The Department of Defense (DoD) provides health care
benefits to family members of active-duty personnel
through a collection of health plans known as TRICARE.
There are currently three TRICARE plans from which
such beneficiaries may choose—Prime, Standard, or
Extra—and those beneficiaries pay no premiums or
enrollment fees for their coverage. TRICARE Prime is
operated much like a civilian health maintenance organi-
zation (HMO), with a military or civilian primary care
manager providing referrals to network providers. Family
members of active-duty personnel enrolled in TRICARE
Prime generally face no copayments at the point of ser-
vice, whether they receive care from a military or civilian
provider.1 In part because of the low out-of-pocket costs,
those beneficiaries have rates of utilization of services that
are substantially higher than those of a comparison group
in a civilian HMO.2 Family members who choose not to
enroll in Prime are covered by TRICARE Standard (the
program’s fee-for-service plan) or Extra (the program’s
preferred provider plan). Beneficiaries in those two
planshave a greater choice of providers but face deduct-
ibles and coinsurance rates that vary depending on the
type of service and whether the provider participates in a
TRICARE network.
Under this option, DoD would provide active-duty per-
sonnel who have dependents with a special $500 cash
allowance for health expenses while at the same time
increasing out-of-pocket costs for care received through
TRICARE Prime. The allowance would be nontaxable
(like the current housing allowance) and could be used in
one of two ways. Under the first alternative, family mem-
bers could use the allowance to help offset the out-of-
pocket costs of any of the current TRICARE plans
(Prime, Standard, or Extra). However, cost sharing under
TRICARE Prime would be altered to incorporate copay-
ments that would cover, on average, about 10 percent of
the cost of health care services obtained either at military
facilities or from civilian providers. Each TRICARE plan
would include an annual cap on out-of-pocket expendi-
tures to control the financial consequences of cata-
strophic illness. Under the second alternative, military
family members could show proof of insurance and apply
the $500 allowance toward their share of the premiums,
copayments, and deductibles of another health insurance
plan.
Currently, military treatment facilities (MTFs) do not
charge eligible individuals copayments for medical ser-
vices or pharmaceuticals. In order to reduce beneficiaries’
incentive to switch to MTFs and avoid the minimum
out-of-pocket requirements, DoD would need to estab-
lish procedures for collecting payments from TRICARE
beneficiaries seeking care from MTFs.
If implemented, this option would save about $3billion
in discretionary outlays over the next five years and
roughly $7 billion from 2010 to 2019. That estimate
incorporates the cost of the cash allowances and accounts
for the decreased demand for medical care among enroll-
ees that would result under the new plan. (The higher
out-of-pocket expenses would be expected to encourage
restraint in health care purchases.) The estimate also
accounts for the increased cost of the benefit for a small
number of eligible family members of active-duty person-
nel who do not use TRICARE but instead rely on an
employment-based health plan. Those beneficiaries cur-
rently cost the system nothing but would still receive the
cash allowance.
This option would also result in a small increase in man-
datory outlays resulting from some military dependents’
increased use of Medicaid services. In addition, federal
tax revenues would decrease somewhat as more depen-
dents of active-duty service members enrolled in private
insurance plans, which would yield a shift in compensa-
tion from taxable wages to nontaxable fringe benefits.
The degree of those two effects would depend on the spe-
cifics of any enacting legislation.
This option would offer several advantages. First, enroll-
ees in TRICARE Prime would have a stronger incentive
to use medical services prudently because they would be
responsible for a share of the cost. Second, the ability to
use the allowance to pay the premiums of another health
insurance plan would induce some spouses to enroll in
their employer’s plan rather than in TRICARE. That fea-
ture of the option would mean that some health care
costs would be shifted to the civilian employers of mili-
tary spouses, thus reducing DoD’s spending. Finally,
because family members would commit annually to
enrolling in a health insurance plan, total utilization of
services would be easier to predict than it is under the
current system, which allows users to join or leave at any
time. Thus, this option would improve resource planning
within the military health care system and allow DoD to
negotiate firmer contracts for pharmaceuticals and civil-
ian medical services. That advantage would exist even if
most beneficiaries chose to remain in one of the three tra-
ditional TRICARE plans.
This option would also have potential disadvantages.
Enrollees in TRICARE Prime would assume additional
risks and might face financial difficulties, despite the
plan’s cap on families’ annual out-of-pocket expenditures.
Moreover, families that obtained health insurance
through a spouse’s employer might have their coverage
disrupted if the active-duty service member relocated to a
new post. DoD would have to develop methods to pro-
rate cash allowances and deductibles for beneficiaries who
were forced to change from a private health care plan to
TRICARE coverage (or vice versa) midyear.

1. One exception is for pharmaceuticals. Beneficiaries who have
prescriptions filled at retail pharmacies or through mail order face
copayments of $3, $9, and $22, respectively, for generic, brand-
name formulary, and brand-name nonformulary medications.
Prescriptions filled at out-of-network retail pharmacies are
reimbursed at 50 percent of the cost. Prescriptions filled at
military treatment facilities are free.
2. DoD estimates that among TRICARE Prime enrollees, inpatient
utilization is 58 percent higher and outpatient utilization is
39percent higher than a civilian HMO comparison group. These
results were adjusted to reflect differences in age and sex among
the populations being compared. See Department of Defense,
Evaluation of the TRICARE Program: FY2008 Report to Congress
(February 29, 2008).

Obviously my family is not 'typical' when it comes to our healthcare experiences. I will admit that we consider ourselves very lucky to have had military health insurance. Hadley's medical bills, over the course of 4 years, were/are astronomical. Hospital and doctor bills reached a million dollars in her first 6 months of care for her brain tumor. Her Hospice care (4 1/2 months) was just over $25,000. Hadley's average number of hospital and doctor visits each month was anywhere from 1-10+ a month. That is just outpatient visits. She had an MRI, on average, every other month for 4 1/2 years. She required anesthesia for each so the bill was usually around $8-10 thousand each. I tell you all of this to illustrate just how much the changes in military health insurance would effect a family like ours.

I realize that most people out there who are fortunate enough to have health insurance at all have deductibles and cost share etc. I would like to point out a few differences though between civilian and military lifestyles. My husband is in the Coast Guard. He has not seen combat. He has not come back from war wounded or disabled. He has not been gone for 18 months at a time. However, my husband has been gone for months at a time, sacrificing time with our children and myself and putting his own safety on the line. We have sacrificed plenty so that my husband could do a job he loves and serve our country in the process. One of the biggest benefits of this job is the healthcare. Yes, it is free. Yes, it does cost the government a lot of money. I understand that. But, please don't try and balance out the overspending of our government by taking away the military and veterans biggest perk. The pay is bad enough (my husband is an E-5 with 9 1/2 years in. His base pay is $2670.90/month) as it is. If you make us pay for our healthcare we'll all 'tank' for sure. Especially those who do have family members with special health concerns. You won't be discouraging us from 'overusing' our benefit. You'll be bankrupting us. What scares me the most is that there is mention of a catastrophic cap but, there's no mention of how high it is. Our annual pay raises don't even keep up with the cost on inflation every year(I believe it was 3.5% this year), now they want to add to our expenses? *sigh*

I am thankful that this proposed plan wasn't released until after Hadley passed away. I probably would have been a wreck. I suppose I'll just have to hope and pray that Brandon and the boys and I stay healthy. We wouldn't want to cost the government too much. After all, my husband's $32,050.80/year salary (base pay) is probably a huge burden as it is. *eye roll*

Before I close I would like to add that back when the kids were babies we had a co-pay. If I remember correctly it was $3. Any appointment with your provider or a doctor your primary care doc referred you to. That wasn't a big deal, obviously. But throw deductibles or a 20% co pay etc on that and WOW. Scary. So then we'll either be even more broke or sick without access to healthcare. It seems to me that's just not a good situation. Especially since our husbands/wives/etc can be deployed at a moments notice.

I'm done...for now. Thank you for your time.

If you'd like to contact your congressman follow this link: https://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml

Valentine's Day Parties

2009-02-19T15:44:00.003-08:00

Here are a few pics from Liam's Valentines Party and one of Keegan's. I was a little busier in Keegan's class and didn't take many pictures. (oops)

Keegan's Birthday Party...

2009-02-19T15:27:00.004-08:00

Now that it's mid, almost late, February I figured I'd post Keegan's birthday pictures. =)

Here are a few from school:

Here are a few from Papa's Pizza:

The Ugly Truth...

2009-02-18T22:13:00.003-08:00

Because so many people have claimed to admire my strength and perseverance, I feel a need to share some 'weaknesses'.

1. My Hadley left this earth more than 2 months ago. Her room remains as it was the day the hospital came to pick up her specialty furniture. I haven't done ANYTHING with it. Her medications are all still where they sat the night she died. The night gown she wore to the funeral home is folded and sitting in her recliner. Her favorite books are sitting where the foot of the bed was. The sheets that were on her bed are draped on her chair. I can't bring myself to touch it, nor do I want to. I know I'll be ready eventually. Not yet.

2. I actually have days where I try not to think about the fact that she is gone. I would never go so far as to say that I lie to myself or try to convince myself she's NOT gone. I just try not to think about it.

3. I can't imagine getting old with my husband anymore. I am, by no means, ready to die...but, I can't imagine living without my girl for another 50+ years. It is just too much.

4. I blame Brandon's work schedule for keeping us out of therapy/counseling. The truth of the matter is I'm not ready to rip the band aid off yet. It hurts so much just to think about my girl...I can't imagine devoting time to sit with a stranger and analyze and share. Unbearable.

5. I am finally, two months later, getting to the point where I am letting myself actually feel some of the emotions that are running through me. I was talking with a nurse in my family doctor's office the other day. She was telling me how happy they always were to see Hadley and how she always just brightened up the whole office. I started tearing up and I was SO shocked and embarrassed. As I drove home I thought about how ludicrous it was that I would find crying so crazy. Ugh.

6. I have been home while the boys are at school and Brandon is at work for 2 months now. My house is a disaster area. Nothing is organized the way I'd like it to be, the painting that got dropped when Hadley declined hasn't been picked back up again, the garage is total chaos, and stuff that got shoved in my laundry area awaiting permanent 'homes' is still sitting there. What have I been doing? Oh, yes, keeping myself busy and trying to avoid my house. *sigh*

7. I've all but given up on handling 'business' type calls. I get frustrated, people are cranky and/or rude, I have to listen to sappy music that makes me cry...and I wind up in tears or irrationally upset over the stupidest things.

8. I sometimes think Hadley's cat, Baby Hope, is channelling her. Don't laugh. This cat is nuts. She sleeps and plays in the bathtub. Yeah.

You see, I am a mess like every other person out there. I just thought you should know. *snort* Now, maybe I'll feel more obligated to get some stuff done.

Anaphylaxis...

2009-02-09T18:14:00.005-08:00

This is who I felt like this afternoon. Now, let me start at the beginning. Brandon FINALLY got a day off so, after hitting the gym, we went to Chang's Mongolian Grill for lunch. Then we headed downtown to Powell's Books. After a while my stomach was really hurting and I thought I ate too much. Within minutes the palms of my hands were painfully itchy and turning BRIGHT red. It spread quickly to my face, trunk and arms. I told Brandon we needed to go and by the time we'd walked to the car I was so swollen and red and itchy. Before we reached the freeway my tongue was swelling and I was having a hard time swallowing. I told Brandon he needed to hurry to the hospital. We were exiting the freeway and about a block away when I really started having a hard time breathing and pretty much panicked. For almost 2 months now all I've thought about is seeing and holding my sweet Hadley again. In those scary moments all I could think of was Brandon and the boys. This couldn't be happening to them. It just couldn't. I wasn't afraid for myself, I was afraid for them. So, so afraid. I was able to walk in to the ER and as soon as they saw me and I tried to speak they plopped me in a wheelchair and ran me back to a room. Before I could try to blink the room was full of docs and nurses and Brandon was still at the desk getting me checked in. They were hooking me up trying to get an IV started, and drawing meds up. All I could think of was Brandon and the boys and how I HAD to stay here with them. I couldn't be the cause of more pain for them. We were there for about 2 hours. Thankfully the epinephrine, benadryl and prendisone cocktail worked. The swelling and hives stopped and eventually started receeding. My vitals got back to normal etc. and I was released. I get to carry around an epi kit with me everywhere I go now. I have no idea what I ate that would have caused this. The assumed high rate of cross contamination at a place like Chang's makes it even harder to really pin point. So, I'm following up with my regular doctor tomorrow to see about some testing. Until I figure it out I think I'm going to be a bit paranoid.

I am still pretty puffy and itchy but, overall feeling much better. I'm really tired from all the IV benadryl and a bit anxious from the epi and prendisone. I have a few days of benadryl and prendisone to take then I should be as good as new. Anaphylaxis is SO fun. *oy* By the way, Brandon says I looked more like this than Sloth. =) He's such a sweetie. =)

My Snowflake...

2009-02-08T21:13:00.002-08:00

I've finally figured out what my next tattoo will be. A snowflake. When Hadley died the weather got crazy. Insane. The day of her funeral Portland started getting hit with snow. The highways shut down, flights were cancelled, it was utter chaos and we all had to smile about it. Everyone knew it was our girl. We could all hear her beautiful laughter. She brought beauty into our lives even while we were in the depths of our grief. Most of the children who knew Hadley now thank her for the snow. We all think that God asked her what she wanted to be in charge of...and I can totally hear her saying "I like snow!". =)

There are several legends surrounding snowflakes but, I thought this one was especially beautiful (and fitting).

JANUARY (second flower)

Snowdrop
Birth Month Flowers
- symbolizes hope and the return to life after the long winter months.
- one legend tells about an angel who breathed on a snowflake in his hand to release it as the first snowdrop flower to comfort Eve after being banished from Eden. It was the angel who showed how Hope was born

- another tells of the snowdrop being the first flower to bloom when spring comes around; it was the only flower that agreed when asked by God, to give some of it's color to snow (German origin)

- they are delicate, faintly honey-scented flowers from the lily family. They have tough, grey-green leaves that extend after flowering. These have a tough sheath protecting the growing tip from damage as it chisels its way up through cold-hardened ground. 'Snow piercer' is one name given to snowdrops

So, what I'd like to ask you all for help designing/finding a snowflake for this tattoo. I'm thinking of putting it on the back of my neck or maybe behind an ear. Please help me out. I am SO incapable of designing/drawing this on my own. Thanks all. =)

When I grow up...

2009-02-08T09:39:00.003-08:00

I came across this video on a friend's MySpace page. I LOVE finding random bits of my girl unexpectedly. It just puts a huge smile on my face. I know I've shared this before but, it's just too cute not to share again. =)

We miss you sweet girl.

Relay For Life.

2009-02-03T21:49:00.003-08:00

My friend, Shauna, is participating in Relay for Life in San Diego. She is relaying in memory of Hadley. If you can, please support her.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09CA?px=8884509&pg=personal&fr_id=13745

Thank You!

Broken.

2009-02-02T16:41:00.002-08:00

Today I have no picture,cute story, funny joke or tasty recipe. My heart just hurts. I miss my girl. I miss every last bit of her. I feel wrong and out of place without her. I am really and truly trying to keep going. Most of the time I succeed. The rest of the time is ugly. I really never knew a person's heart could ache like this...

Baby bug, mommy misses you so, so much. I hope and pray every day that heaven is everything you dreamt of and more. I pray that you aren't missing us like we're missing you. I pray there are babies everywhere and lots of chicken 'meat nuggets'. Have you met Gramma Fox yet? I'll be you two are having fun eating cookies and getting to know each other. I'm sure she was pleased to finally get to hug on you. =) Have you and Honey been playing baker lady and snuggling babies together? Is Papa still trying to scare little kids with spooky faces and being grumpy when Honey spoils you? How are Gramma Bubbles, Papa and Mama's daddy? Are you and Stevie having lots of fun? You wanted to be a teenager so bad. Do you get to be a teenager and hang out with Stevie? Do you two giggle about boys and act silly? Have you gotten to hold baby Hannah Joy yet? How about Dave, have you seen him? Did you tell him how much his family misses him and give him a big hug?

My heart is broken baby girl. I miss you leaning your face inclose to mine and tilting your cheek towards my lips and waiting for me to kiss it. I miss your crooked smile. I miss shopping for clothes for you. I miss your silly little jokes and how you thought they were the funniest thing EVER. I miss everywhere we went seeing people's faces light up when they saw you. You made so many people smile sweet girl. You brought a lot of love into our lives. We miss you so much. So, so much.

*sigh*

Sacrifice.

2009-01-28T07:40:00.006-08:00

This picture of Hadley was taken on December 14th, 2007. Who would have ever known that almost exactly a year later she would be gone. We were celebrating Christmas with Auntie Manda, Uncle Brian and Uncle Clay before we headed out to Idaho. Brandon was deployed and we were going to spend Christmas with his parents and siblings. It was our gazillionth holiday, but very first Christmas, without him. The kids did well. I did well. I was proud we survived this military family rite of passage. Hadley, as we all know now, wouldn't live to see another Christmas. She passed away just 15 days short. Brandon missed her last Christmas. It is probably a huge blessing we didn't know. I can't imagine how much it would have hurt him to leave. I still feel a lot of guilt over it. Not that it is my fault...but, he does his 'job' not only for our country but, for our family. It puts a roof over our head, food on the table and, most importantly at the time, health insurance cards in my wallet. His job allowed me to stay home through Hadley's entire cancer journey. I was able to be there for her ANY time she needed or wanted me. He sacrificed SO much to allow me this awesome privilege.

Thank you, Brandon, for taking care of us. Thank you for allowing me to spend so much time with our girl. I don't know how I'll ever make it up to you. I don't know that it's possible...but, I'll certainly try. I love you.

Oregon Drivers

2009-01-27T09:46:00.005-08:00

If you have a car registered in Oregon please help us out.

I've taken on the task of getting Childhood Cancer Awareness license plates in the state of Oregon. It's a little intimidating but, I believe I can accomplish this. The first step is getting at least a thousand signatures expressing interest in the specialty plates. The second step is raising $10,000 to cover the up front cost of the plates. This will be refunded (plus proceeds) to benefit Pediatric cancer research and support. So, I am asking for your help. If you have a car registered in Oregon please sign my petition (to the right).

If you'd be so kind as to post this on your blog etc I would be grateful.

Thank you so much...

Angela

Our Little Rascal...

2009-01-23T14:04:00.004-08:00

Hadley lost her ability to walk back in September, shortly after being admitted to hospice care. So, for the last four and a half months of her life she got around in a wheelchair. One day we were all out on a little shopping trip. I'm pretty sure we were at Target but, neither Brandon or I can remember for sure. Anyhow we walk in the store, I'm pushing Hadley and Brandon is keeping an eye on the boys. An elderly woman drives a little motorized shopping cart in front of us, headed for customer service to return it. Hadley immediately and quite enthusiastically insists on using one of the motorized shopping carts. Now, Brandon and I (and pretty much everyone in her life) did our best to see that her every desire was met but, this is where we drew the line. When I told Hadley that they were not for children she gave me 'that' look. She knew she couldn't win that argument so she went straight to a hilarious attempt at manipulation. "Mom I NEED it, my legs are broooooooken. I NEED it..." Boy was she mad when we refused to let her loose on Target in a motorized scooter. *snort* And boy was she miffed that we found the request funny.

Oh how I miss that girl.

7 years

2009-01-18T21:19:00.004-08:00

My sweet boy was born seven years ago today. Happy birthday Keegan! This sweet little boy has endured so much and has just kept on thriving. He is smart, witty, respectful, kind, sensitive and loving. He has life experience that no seven year old should and, even at such a young age, has used it all to his advantage. He has big dreams and I have no doubt he will accomplish big things in his life. We are so proud of him.

Keegan,

We love you so much. You have been through a lot in just seven years. You have been content to hang out on the outskirts of your sister's spotlight. I know someday, when you are older, you will understand. I hope you never doubt how much we love you and how amazing we think you are. We pray every day that you continue to take the really tough parts of your life's journey and use them in productive ways. Never lose your sweet, sensitive heart. Never stop loving and caring for the people around you. Dream big...make those dreams a reality. Choose happiness. We love you sweet boy.

Mommy and Daddy

A visit...

2009-01-15T20:41:00.003-08:00

I went grocery shopping today. I hit Trader Joes and they had flowers I just couldn't pass up. I bought their lucky ladybug bouquet and took them up to my girl. This is my first visit to the cemetery since we went there for Hadley's interment. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to go by myself. I suppose it was productive to get a good healthy cry out...but,the 20 minutes in the car trying to pull it together so I could drive home was a bit much. The groundskeepers were all in the area cleaning up while I was there. I'm sure they've seen their fair share of mourning but, I'm sure that they were wondering what institution I escaped from.

As I stood there, staring at my daughter's niche in total disbelief, gun shots started booming...then I heard Taps playing. A hero was being laid to rest. Being in that cemetery is an overwhelming experience. Not only is my sweet baby girl there but, you can't help but feel humbled and grateful by all the heroes who sacrificed so much for our country.

I also wanted to add that the reason Brandon's name is on the niche marker is that he is her 'sponsor'. She is in Willamette National cemetery because he is active duty military. Each veteran/active duty member is entitled to burial and the burial of one 'dependent' in a national cemetery. So, in theory, he would be buried there with her...and he is the reason she is able to be buried there. So, there's the explanation for those that may have wondered.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, love and support. I truly don't know how we'd make it through without every person God has placed in our lives.

Remembering...

2009-01-14T16:56:00.002-08:00

Slowly but surely my memories of Hadley are more like a sweet dream and less like a nightmare. For over a month now I have been 'haunted' by memories of her last 12 hours of life. They were hard. The hardest of my life. My sweet girl was struggling to breathe...apologized that she 'had to go' and eventually was unresponsive. Those memories have been hard for me to handle. I have begged to have them replaced with sweet memories of happier times. While this eases my heart in one way it also makes the grieving process harder (if that's even possible).

When you lose your child there is no way to make any sense of it. You just can't. Children aren't supposed to get sick and die. Especially not your own child. But, when your child is sick and suffering it makes as much sense as it possibly can...you feel a sense of relief for them that they are not suffering anymore...then the memories of a healthier, happier child return and it no longer makes ANY sense at all. How could this have happened? These are the thoughts that run through my head from day to day.

Today I was remembering my favorite little chocoholic. In this picture she was 6 and in Kindergarten. She had snuck into the pantry and taken out the whole Costco sized bag of chocolate chips. Don't worry though, she has manners. She did get a plate out. This is exactly how I found her. When I asked her what was going on she told me she was "Havin' Snack Mom". I can still hear her voice, very matter of fact. She only broke out that endearing crooked little smile of hers when she realized how funny I thought this was. Of course then Hadley the ham made an appearance and she fake laughed for about 5 minutes straight.

I miss her so much. I will miss her every day of my life.

Shamrock Run

2009-01-10T14:27:00.002-08:00

Hello,

My friend,Michelle, just sparked an idea. =) (Uh oh). =)

Exactly two years ago on March 15th Hadley was swallowing her last chemo pills. On March 17th (mine and Brandon's wedding anniversary) we had a "no more chemo" party. Every year around St Patrick's day the Shamrock Run is held. I'm not sure if the beneficiary is the same every year or not but, this year it benefits the Doernbecher foundation. Doernbecher (for those of you who aren't local) is the Children's Hospital associated with Oregon Health Sciences University. This year the run is being held on Sunday, March 15th. You see where I'm going with this? =) hee hee.

Hadley was all about pushing herself to achieve what she wanted to accomplish. She honestly didn't know the meaning of the word "can't". There are a few options for the length of the run so most people will find something that fits (including a walking course). I'd like to challenge you to push yourself and join us! If you are a runner, awesome! If you aren't, you'll be in good company. =) This will be my first 5k. Scratch that, my first 'race' ever.

Check out the site and let me know if you'd be interested in joining team Hadley's Gift! http://www.shamrockrunportland.com/

I'm going back to the site now to figure out how to register a team and the details of registering as a team. Drop me a line at: HadleysGift@yahoo.com if you're interested in joining us.

Thanks everyone.

Angela

Shamrock Run Info:

Group Name: Hadley's Gift

Group Leader: Angela Fox

HOW TO REGISTER AS A PART OF A GROUP
To receive the $4 discount for registering as a group of 4 or more participants age 13 or older, one person must be designated as the "Group Leader." That person should register first and list the "GROUP NAME" and "GROUP LEADER" when prompted.

Both the GROUP NAME and GROUP LEADER must be given to all members of the group so they can complete their registration by providing that information when prompted.

Register Here: https://www.signmeup.com/site/reg/register.aspx?fid=NM2V8K7

Keegan's Eyes...

2009-01-07T17:44:00.004-08:00

I know...three posts in one day. I'm going blog crazy. *snort*

My sweet boy had an ophthalmology appointment today. I am SO happy to report that, with his glasses, his vision is improving and his eyes are 'working' more equally. YAY! This means no eye patch and puts our minds at ease even more that Keegan's eye problems are "just" eye problems. =) Furthermore, unless we see any new problems, he doesn't need to be seen again for a year.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for our sweet Keegan.

Our Korean Student.

2009-01-07T10:22:00.002-08:00

With the illness and loss of our sweet Hadley I completely forgot to update you all on our Korean exchange student. He and his family decided that they'd really like him to be in a home with other teens. I can totally understand that. It seems like it would be helpful, socially, in a smooth transition to our culture. Having said that, we were honest (yet, brief) with the facts on where Hadley was in her life. As a mother I would not send my child (at any age) into a home that was about to or had just lost a child. I would not choose that for my kids regardless of wether I knew the family or not...especially if I didn't know them. I totally respect and appreciate their decision.

Maybe next year we'll be able to take on that adventure. =)

It's all in the delivery...

2009-01-07T10:20:00.002-08:00

My friend Mollie posted this video and I found it worthy of sharing.

Live your life with love and respect for others. Share that love with those around you. It's THAT important.

That is all.

Angela

Pink Sky

2009-01-03T11:32:00.005-08:00

This is a pink sky I caught with my iPhone while in Idaho. Most of our trip was bittersweet. We were there to celebrate Christmas. We are more thankful than ever that our savior was born but, we are still so early in the grieving process. There is no good time to lose your child but, less than 2 weeks before Christmas seemed to be especially hard. Anyway, the trip was full of ups and downs. One night I headed out to the front porch for a few moments alone and this beautiful pink sky took my breath away.

My biggest reason for sharing is: www.Pink Sky Project.com. My cousin Stevie had a brain tumor too. She died just over a year and a half ago. She was 19 and lived with her tumor for 5 years after diagnosis. She and Hadley's tumor journeys had so many parallels. Despite the big age difference, they were kindred spirits. Now they are both in heaven picking yellow tulips and caring for babies and cuddly little furry things.

After Stevie left her body behind Gina, her wonderful Mama, wrote and illustrated this book. It has been a source of comfort and hope for our entire family over the course of this past year.

The book begins:

Everyone is born and everyone dies.

It is a great mystery and a promise.

It is a story that is hard to remember and a story that has no endings, only beginnings.

I encourage you to order one for your family. In doing so you will also be helping put this book in the hands of families in situations similar to ours at no cost. All 'profit' from the book is used to give free books to those who need them.

Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for loving our girl.
Keep an eye out for pink skies and remember our pinkalicious Hadley.

Angela

Our Favorite Girl...

2008-12-14T11:38:00.003-08:00

Our sweet Hadley finally got the miracle we've been praying for on friday morning at about 3:30 am. It is not the miracle we had hoped and longed for...but it is her miracle. She is whole again. Our hearts are hurting more than we could have ever imagined...but, we are so thankful that she is finally free. Hadley was always so much bigger than her body, than this world...now, she has no limitations. We will miss her forever and ever...until the day we join her again.

"Things never go so well that one should have no fear, and never so ill that one should have no hope."
-- Turkish proverb

We love you sweet girl...SO much. I hope that you knew that. We are the luckiest family ever to have had you for our very own. You will always be our sunshine baby girl.

Please see Hadley's page for funeral service details. www.HadleyFox.com

A New Adventure

2008-12-02T23:25:00.004-08:00

In mid January we will be welcoming a Korean foreign exchange student into our home. Today we completed the final step in the application process, the home visit, so it's finally official. We are excited at the opportunity to learn from and teach this eager student about our culture etc. He will be attending school at Columbia (with the boys). He's 15 and his life dream/goal is to go to MIT. We look forward to and are very thankful for the journey ahead. I'm excited to share all our adventures with him with you all. =) If any of you have experience or would like to suggest activities, meals, day/weekend trips etc we would love to hear from you.

Have a great week. =)

My Love Bug...

2008-11-30T13:10:00.003-08:00

***Please go down and pause the playlist!***

I was uploading photos and video to photobucket today and I found this video. Hadley was in Kindergarten. I had almost forgotten how sweet and 'little' she sounded/was then. This video made me all warm and fuzzy inside but very, very sad as well. I need to remember the good times to get through...but it is also hard to remember the happy times...it reminds me how bad she is doing now. =(

Hadley was on chemo when GG and Papa bought her the LoveBug and unfortunately she was lost in a tragic chemo puke incident. =(

My Handsome Spectacled Keegan.

2008-11-28T13:51:00.004-08:00

Keegan's glasses were finally ready for pick up today. He and I went and got them. I have to tell you that I am already SO thankful for them. A few minutes after we left he was already commenting on how much better he could see and how much 'bigger' things looked. All of that AND he looks ADORABLE in them. =)

Tis The Season...

2008-11-25T17:29:00.003-08:00

http://www.MaryKay.com/AngelaFox

A few gift ideas (including lots under $30):

http://www.marykay.com/angelafox/whatsnew/giftideas/default.aspx

Plus a free treat for you when you spend $40 or more (or it makes a great stocking stuffer):

Mini Body Care Set. It includes mini-size Mary Kay® Loofah Body Cleansers and Mary Kay® Nourishing Body Lotions in Red Tea & Fig and Lotus & Bamboo and a beautiful bag. It’s yours FREE when you purchase $40 or more (excluding tax) of Mary Kay® products

PLUS!

Purchase one regular sized Oil Free Eye Makeup Remover and get a travel size bottle free! =)

And, as always, shipping is FREE!

Malak for...cutest baby of OK.

2008-11-25T15:42:00.004-08:00

Please vote for our friend's baby. He is one of two finalists in a cutest baby contest. =) It'll only take a minute and will put some pretty big smiles on some pretty deserving faces. =) Thanks Ya'll.

Please remember to validate your vote by checking your email and clicking on the link. Otherwise it doesn't count. =)

http://www.KJ103FM.com

Liam's Party Pics.

2008-11-23T18:20:00.002-08:00

The only thing Liam wanted for his birthday this year was a party at Chuck E. Cheese. This is the first year he's had 'school friends' to invite to a party. I gave in to mommy guilt and let him invite his entire class. =) It was 'fun'...in the way that I love seeing my kids have fun sort of way. In every other way it was...crazy. =)

Here are some of the pics.

Works for me...

2008-11-23T15:49:00.003-08:00

Those who know me know that I am a sucker for the latest and greatest product. Especially if it is a cleaning product. I'd love to say that it's because I just love cleaning...but then I'd be a huge liar. I don't love to clean but, I do love having a clean home. So, I think I buy new products to keep myself motivated. =) I like sharing my opinions with those around me because I hate spending money on things and being disappointed. =)

So, here is my RAVE. Arm and Hammer Essentials Cleaner/Degreaser. Love, love, LOVE it. http://www.sustainableisgood.com/blog/2008/10/armhammer.html http://www.armandhammeressentials.com/index.aspx

First it costs less than the other cleaners I usually keep on hand. The starter kit was $3.79 (at Target) and includes an empty spray bottle and one small 'refill' cartridge. The refills come in packs of 2 for $3.79 ($1.89 each).

Secondly you use the same spray bottle over and over. This not only creates less waste but, let's face it...it's one less thing in the grocery bags. =) The refill cartridges are easy to use. You don't even have to 'open' them. You unscrew a cap then screw it onto the top of the bottle. There is a piece of plastic inside that cuts the the 'foil' and it empties into the bottle. Then you fill the bottle with tap water.

Third, it smells and works GREAT! =) No harsh chemical smells. It smells fresh and clean. It leaves everything clean and shiny with no sticky residue.

This is one product I am so glad I tried. =)

Dear Kyle,

2008-11-23T14:22:00.003-08:00

Dear Kyle,

Thank you for fighting for our freedom. How great is it to be there?

Love,
Your Cousin Keegan

(1st grade-age 6)

Keegan wrote this at school for Veteran's Day. =) He's such a sweetie. My cousin, Kyle, is on his 2nd tour in the Middle East with the Marine Corps. Please be praying for his safe return home.

Love does not envy...

2008-11-19T09:20:00.005-08:00

"For demonstrating the quality of love through rejoicing for others' accomplishments."

Keegan and Liam were chosen, independently, by their teachers as the student in their classes who exemplifies this 'characteristic'. I am so proud of them. =) I'll add some pictures etc. later. =)

My baby...

2008-11-17T10:22:00.000-08:00

is FIVE today!!!

We love you sweet boy! You amaze us every day. =)

A little bit for ME...

2008-11-15T12:34:00.002-08:00

I've hesitated posting the following for a few reasons. I don't want people to think I am 'moving on' before Hadley is even 'gone' and secondly I don't want to look like a failure if I don't achieve my goals/timeline. But, I'm going to put those things aside and post and hope for some accountability and encouragement.

My #1 goal is to lose 80lbs. Yes, I DO have 80lbs to lose. For now, I'm going to focus on the first 40. I start to hyperventilate when I think about taking on the whole 80. I've had a lot of people tell me that I shouldn't worry about this right now. I have more important things going on etc. While that is true I honestly believe I will be better equipped to care for and deal with all of this if I'm in better shape. PERIOD. So, on November 3rd I joined the gym up the street from our house. My friend Mollie is a member there as well. We have been keeping each other motivated and accountable. It's great having a workout partner again. =) Thank you Mollie. Along with this I have been focusing on cutting out a lot of the junk I was eating out. I've been using a high protein/high fiber diet and drinking lots of water. So far I feel a lot better. =)

My second goal is to start classes again on January 5th. My first course will be a biology course at Portland Community College, anatomy to be specific. I have a few classes to take to get into the Associates in Applied Sciences program at PCC. My plan is to use that degree to get into a nursing program. Which nursing school I choose will depend on when/where Brandon's career takes us next. I'd like to avoid staying behind to finish school while Brandon goes to his next duty station...so I'll have that in mind after I finish the associates program and am applying to nursing schools.

So...there's my plan. Thanks for 'listening', thanks for the love and support. =)

Angela

A few of my favorite things...

2008-11-11T12:44:00.002-08:00

to eat these days. =)

Ms. Mollie's Taco Soup

5-6 cans of your choice of beans (my faves are black, kidney and garbanzo)
1 can tomato sauce\
1 can corn
2 packets Taco Seasoning
1 packet Ranch dressing mix
about 3 cups water

I like to add spanish rice to mine but, I serve it on the side because not everyone likes it.

You can use any kind of meat you'd make tacos with (or no meat).
I usually brown or cook the meat then throw everything in the crockpot on low for several hours. You can also just do it on the stovetop if you're making it last minute. =)

I serve it with shredded cheddar, Fritos and sour cream. If you're serving a large group you can always make meats separately and serve on the side (to be added) just in case there are vegetarians in the group. =)

Yuuuuuummmmm...Enjoy.

MamaFox's Peanut Butter Cup Protein Smoothie

1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup water
2 scoops of your fave chocolate protein powder (I use Body Fortress Whey Protein)
4 tbsp Peanut Butter
As much ice as you like

I use my Magic Bullet to blend for a few seconds...but any blender will work.

Delish and it stays with you and keeps your belly full for quite some time. =)

Have a nice week.

Our first letter grades.

2008-11-11T09:57:00.003-08:00

Yesterday we had the boy's parent teacher conferences. I was almost confused when I looked down at Keegan's report card and saw A's. This is the first time any of our kids have been graded using the traditional 'letter' system. Hadley was in first grade last year...but because she was in a special education room and couldn't be graded as a typical 1st grader she had the standard Kindergarten report card. We've reached a parenting rite of passage. Letter grades. =) My babies are growing up.

So, Keegan got all A's except a B+ in Math. =) His teacher did let us know that she is having to work with him a little more than the other students but, she suspects it has a lot to do with his vision and hearing issues and all that is going on at home with Hadley. She reassured us that his attitude is excellent and he has a real desire to learn. He gets along with others very well and is a joy to have in class. We do need to work on his fine motor skills. He has always been a little behind in this area so that was no surprise but, she did give us some good ideas for fun activities. =)

Liam is doing well also. He is ahead of the class in some areas and even with or maybe even a little behind in a few others. So, overall he's right about in the middle of his class. He can write all the letters in his name but not quite in order yet. His fine motor skills are quite mature for his age. He and Keegan have always been opposite in this regard. Keegan's fine motor skills are behind and Liam's are ahead. Keegan recognized all the letters of the alphabet and their sounds very early but had a hard time writing them. Liam can write them all but can only name a few and doesn't know their sounds yet. Just one more example of how different kids are...and how they all need a slightly different approach to teach them all effectively.

I am so pleased with the education they are getting and the environment they spend so much of their time in. They both seem to be thriving despite the heartache at home. I am so proud of these boys. SO proud.

Wordle

2008-11-07T21:05:00.001-08:00

Chelle Meyer did this with Dave's page and I was interested to see what would come up from Hadley's site (www.HadleyFox.com)

Here it is:

title="Wordle: www.HadleyFox.com"> src="http://www.wordle.net/thumb/wrdl/298434/www.HadleyFox.com"
style="padding:4px;border:1px solid #ddd">

Jackie or Marilyn?

2008-11-06T09:43:00.002-08:00

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Marilyn!

You are a Marilyn -- "I am affectionate and skeptical."

Marilyns are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

* Be direct and clear

* Listen to me carefully

* Don't judge me for my anxiety

* Work things through with me

* Reassure me that everything is OK between us

* Laugh and make jokes with me

* Gently push me toward new experiences

* Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Marilyn

* being committed and faithful to family and friends

* being responsible and hardworking

* being compassionate toward others

* having intellect and wit

* being a nonconformist

* confronting danger bravely

* being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Marilyn

* the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind

* procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself

* fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of

* exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger

* wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right

* being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

Marilyns as Children Often

* are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn

* are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger

* form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent

* look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel

* are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Marilyns as Parents

* are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty

* are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence

* worry more than most that their children will get hurt

* sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

A picture is worth...

2008-11-04T12:32:00.003-08:00

These photos were taken the first Sunday of September. On one hand we feel blessed that Hadley is still here with us 2 months later. On the other hand...it is heartbreaking to see the differences. It's the 'little' things...like being able to stand, or even just bear her own weight. I love this girl so much. I am so thankful we have these pictures. =)

A huge thank you to Lisa Dillon for donating her time, talent and services. Thank you will never be enough really.

Copy and Paste...

2008-10-30T08:49:00.003-07:00

Sorry for doing it. I just wanted to get the request for prayers etc out there to everyone.

From Hadley's site:

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 4:30pm

Hello,

We're still here plugging along. It's been another hard week. My Papa Bishop passed away Friday night. He was ready to go and has been ill for quite some time...but, my heart is still quite broken. Do you ever just feel like 'it' never ends? I'm feeling a little emotionally trampled these days. I'm sure things will get 'better'. I hope.

Hadley has had good days and bad days...and days that seem stable when compared to the past several weeks. Her alertness is sort of hit or miss, her nail beds are blue...sometimes up to her first knuckle. Her days and nights are all confused. She doesn't like being moved around a lot...but tolerates it like a champ. She is such a sweet girl.

I have a special prayer request today. I haven't shared this with very many people because I was afraid that I was just being 'paranoid' mom who's in a vulnerable emotional place...but, Keegan needs our prayers. Well, our whole family does. Keegan is losing hearing and vision in his right eye and ear. He has failed both vision and hearing exams. We are quite concerned with this and have already seen our family doctor. There is a genetic disorder that we had discussed with Hadley's doctors early on in her treatment but never really explored. It is called Neurofibromatosis.

What Is NF?
Neurofibromatosis encompasses a set of distinct genetic disorders that cause tumors to grow along various types of nerves and, in addition, can affect the development of non-nervous tissues such as bones and skin. Neurofibromatosis causes tumors to grow anywhere on or in the body.
Types Of Neurofibromatosis
Types Of Neurofibromatosis

Neurofibromatosis (NF) has been classified into three distinct types: NF1, NF2 and Schwannomatosis.

Neurofibromatosis 1 (NF1): also known as von Recklinghausen NF or Peripheral NF. Occurring in 1:3,000 births, web characterized by multiple cafe-au-lait spots and neurofibromas on or under the skin. Enlargement and deformation of bones and curvature of the spine (scoliosis) may also occur. Occasionally, tumors may develop in the brain, on cranial nerves, or on the spinal cord. About 50% of people with NF also have learning disabilities.

Neurofibromatosis 2 (NF2): also known as Bilateral Acoustic NF (BAN), is much rarer occurring in 1:25,000 births. NF2 is characterized by multiple tumors on the cranial and spinal nerves, and by other lesions of the brain and spinal cord. Tumors affecting both of the auditory nerves are the hallmark. Hearing loss beginning in the teens or early twenties is generally the first symptom.

Schwannomatosis: a rare form of NF that has only recently been recognized and appears to affect around 1:40,000 individuals. It is less well understood than NF1 and NF2, and features may vary greatly between patients.

At this point we are still hoping to rule it out...but it will be a process. We are working on the best way to get a referral in to see the Genetics Specialists at Doernbechers/OHSU and in the meantime we have an appointment scheduled to see a pediatric ophthalmologist in Lake Oswego on the 17th. Our doctor's office is also working on getting us in to a pediatric ENT. None of this is being taken lightly and while that 'worries' me I am also very grateful it's being handled so quickly. My poor boy is complaining of headaches almost daily now (probably because of his vision issues) and seems frustrated with school work. That is hard because he loves school and learning. For his to struggle is so out of the norm. Anyway, please pray for our family. It's hard not to be terrified...and my heart is just broken in pieces. We haven't talked to Keegan about any of this yet. He is such a worrier and with all that is going on with Hadley well, I just don't want to traumatize the poor little guy. He will very likely be having an MRI of the brain sometime soon...but, we're hoping to meet with the genetics specialists first. Anyway, please keep this hush hush around our boys for the time being. They really don't need one more thing to worry about.

Baby Hope is thriving in our home. We all love her so much. She is a really fun little kitten with lots of personality. I'm so glad she found her way to us. =) She is funny and sweet and adorable and gives us an extra little someone to love on and giggle over. We're thankful for her.

Thank you for stopping by to check in on us and for praying for our girl and our family.

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angela

Pretty Somethings.

2008-10-19T20:46:00.003-07:00

Hadley and I love us some funky cuteness. One of my cousin's fave designers is having a giveaway that I would love to win. =)

Go...post a reply to enter yourself...and let her know that I sent you. =)

http://cally-cruze.blogspot.com/

Limbo...

2008-10-17T11:33:00.003-07:00

I don't want to be here anymore, in limbo that is. I feel like we should be out living it up. Doing all of Hadley's favorite things. Running through Disneyland, swinging all day, floating in a warm pool somewhere...maybe jumping on the next plane to Kauai. But, Hadley's condition keeps us pretty close to home...not too much activity or stimulation. I feel like we're just sitting around...waiting. I don't like it one bit. It doesn't feel right. I want for her to be able to do all of her favorite things. I want to experience them with her...but, I don't want her to have to 'pay' for it with extra pain and anxiety. Over a month ago our doctors told us she may not live more than a couple of days. That was a month ago...she is still here...but not really 'here'. It's just not fair.

I guess I'm just having a 'we got jipped' day. =(

The sun is out...maybe we'll plant some fall flowers..when she wakes up...

What'd he say?...

2008-10-08T14:12:00.004-07:00

So, you know that song that you love but can never quite catch all the lyrics to? Or the song you loved back *gasp* BEFORE the INTERNET and never knew the lyrics to? Well, if you're anything like me you either wind up singing the wrong lyrics or add in a little 'sexy watermelon' action (this is much more tame than it sounds). Anyhow, if you're reading this blog you probably know that our family needs a few extra chuckles right now. Here is one place that I find mine. I thought I would be a good friend and share. =)

Hint: Go to www.youtube.com and search for "Misheard Lyrics _________________(name of your fave song)".

Here are a few of my faves. =) You'll have to scroll down to the bottom of this page and pause the project playlist player. *sorry*

A little background on Yellow Ledbetter
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellow_Ledbetter

And because I was (who am I kidding I STILL sing it wrong) guilty of mishearing the 'bathroom on the right' lyric. =) Who sings about bad moons rising anyway. All I want to know is where the darned bathroom is. *snort*

Have a great day. =)

The Ladies Man...

2008-10-07T20:32:00.002-07:00

Brandon has been doing the school time shuttle lately. Today, he came home with a pretty funny story. Liam is the baby of the family. He can get away with a lot because he is SO stinkin' adorable and cuddly. So, when his teacher, our beloved Mrs Woods who has taught both our boys now, pulled Brandon aside this afternoon and stated that she was having a bit of an issue he was worried...and rightly so. Liam has been known to go so far as using alter egos to carry out his naughtiest activities. Cyrus and baby goo goo are his old standbys but, as he's gotten older he's been known to blame...errrrr...spot Smeagle (aka Gollum) being extremely mischievous. Well, as it turns out Liam's mere presence is to blame. His dashing good looks and sweet disposition have more than his mama's heart melting. The girls are actually fighting over who's going to sit next to him, who's his best friend etc. Apparently poor Mrs Woods had to break up three 'fights' just TODAY. Oh my goodness. All I have to say is...Girls, girls don't you know that none of you will ever be good enough for my sweet baby boy. *snort* All Brandon had to say on the subject was "I just hope he can keep it up for another 15+ years." Oh my.

Jog-A-Thon '08

2008-10-07T20:14:00.004-07:00

Last wednesday was the annual jog-a-thon at the boy's school. Their school only has two fundraisers (the the children are really involved in) each year. I am pleased as punch that one is a jog-a-thon and the other is a read-a-thon. These are the kind of fundraisers I can get behind. I'm not gonna lie...I do enjoy me a good cookie dough sale or three but, this is so much better for the kids (and for me). =)

Liam has been looking forward to this jog-a-thon for 2 years. Keegan participated when he was in Jr Kindergarten and Liam was SO envious. I was a little afraid that Liam wouldn't want to go to school anymore after the jog-a-thon because it's all he talked about for SO long. Fear not. Here we are, a week later, and he is still enjoying school. =)

So, on to my awesome boys. First, Hadley was having a relatively good day so Brandon and Hadley and I were able attend and cheer on a few of our favorite kiddos. =) Now, are you ready for this? My little I have my daddy's short legs, asthma, and at nearly five an audible heart murmur, Liam ran NINE 1/4 mile laps in 30 minutes. That's two and a quarter miles folks!!! Seriously?!? I know. He's a super hero. =) Keegan, my poor little flat footed boy who ran it in converse complained of his feet hurting the whole time but, still managed to knock out a mile and a quarter (5 laps). Woot Woot!

So, most of their pledges were 'flat' pledges (meaning they weren't per lap). They each wound up raising over $80. Not too shabby for having parents who totally neglected to help them find sponsors! Poor guys.

Anyway, this is a fun event and I wanted to share a bit. =) I love these stinky boys! =)

My son, the aspiring camel.

2008-09-17T20:41:00.005-07:00

Yes, a camel. Keegan announced this evening that his class is taking part in the school Christmas program. The boys attend a private Christian school so they are able to do a faith based program. They are doing, of course, the traditional nativity type program and Keegan announced that he is really hoping to be a camel. =) Brandon asked him why he didn't want to try out to be a wise man or some other human character and he said "No way! Then I'd have to carry the wise man's box with the gift in it and those might be heavy! I'd have to carry that thing all over the place." Brandon then pointed out that the camels carry EVERYTHING. *Ha ha*

Further along in the conversation there was some debate about how many camels would be involved. Keegan insists on three, Brandon thinks there were many more...something about wise men 'rolling deep'. Huh?!?

So, there you have it. Keegan, the cutest camel in school. *snort*

1.5 million for a moment of your time...

2008-09-17T14:46:00.001-07:00

Here is something you can do for kids with brain tumors (like Hadley). It takes a moment of your time and doesn't cost you a dime. You do have to be an American Express cardholder to vote...but, even if you aren't you can help out by spreading the word. Thank you SO much.

Project Brain Child is an iniative of the Pediatric Low Grade Glioma Association.

Members Project is a program sponsored by American Express where cardmembers submit innovative ideas for projects that make a difference. Cardmembers vote on the projects, and the winning 5 projects will receive up to $1.5 million in funding from American Express, awarded as follows:

$1,500,000 for the winning project
$500,000 for the 2nd place project
$300,000 for the 3rd place project
$100,000 each for the two remaining finalist projects
The Pediatric Low Grade Glioma Association (PLGA) submitted their project idea to American Express in August. They will use the funds to conduct a feasibility study to create a National Pediatric Genomic Brain Tumor Registry. The information collected in this registry would allow scientific researchers and medical experts to target specific genetic abnormalities with existing drugs most effectively.

The registry will embody all brain tumor types, not just low grade gliomas.

Project Brain Child was selected from over 1190 other projects to be in the top 25. As of today, September 17, they are in 9th place.

They need to be one in fifth place or better to receive an award. Votes must be cast by September 28.

Any American Express cardholder may vote. If you don't have an American Express card, you can still help by spreading the word to your friends.

Brain tumors kill more children every year than all other diseases combined. Please help this effort.

(Copied and pasted from Steven's Page)

Faith, Hope and Love.

2008-09-15T11:11:00.002-07:00

I have finally settled on my new tattoos. I've been wanting to get ink'd for my boys ever since I got Hadley's "Hope." tatoo but, couldn't decide what I wanted. I finally decided. =) I am going to have Keegan write "Faith" and Liam write "Love" and have them tattooed on the inside of each wrist. They will be a lot smaller than Hadley's tattoo since they will be on my wrists. I am very excited. Honestly, I'd be at the parlor today if I could be. =) Anyone wanna go with me? I'd say you could hold my hand...but, I'm too tough for that. I think I may be on an (unintentional) mission to have tats in all the most painful places. *snort*

Be on the lookout for pics. =)

The Ball

2008-09-14T15:11:00.004-07:00

Yesterday was "Wish Day" at our home. Make a Wish came and treated Hadley to a morning full of magic. Everything was just as it should have been. EVERYTHING. Hadley felt great, better than I've seen her feel for a few weeks. She looked beautiful. You could tell that she was amazed by everything. We will always remember and be thankful for this day. If you ever have the opportunity to volunteer I highly recommend connecting with Make A Wish. What a wonderful organization.

Please continue to pray for our girl and for our family. The road ahead is...well, there are no words for this. Please just pray.

www.HadleyFox.com

WIth Love and HOPE,
The Foxes.

First Day of School 2008!!! =)

2008-09-03T22:58:00.003-07:00

Keegan and Liam started school today. Keegan is officially a 1st grader and Liam a Jr Kindergartner. It was wonderful to see them so excited for school. They both did awesome and seemed to blend right in with their classes nicely. =) I had a really hard time leaving Liam. This is the first year he'll be in all day school...well, any school. He has always been my buddy at home and now he is growing up so quickly. I'm so proud of them. They really are great boys. More on their greatness later. Now, we will focus on their cute-ness. =)

Enjoy!

A new chapter...

2008-08-29T12:17:00.002-07:00

Hadley has officially entered hospice care. Please see her site for more information. www.HadleyFox.com

Please keep our family in your prayers.

Just in case you don't read Hadley's page...

2008-08-23T23:05:00.003-07:00

here is an update. I wrote this on Thursday...the day we had the appointment for our oncology team to write the refferal and transition Hadley's care to Hospice.

It's been a weird, hard, draining day. I want, so much, to take a Lunesta and go to bed. This is a day I never wanted to have to endure...although it won't be, by any stretch of the imagination, the worst...and I've done it on 'my own'. Hadley's appointment was at 10 this morning, it's now 9pm and I haven't even gotten a phone call from Brandon yet. The needs of the Coast Guard come first...even when your child is dying. I try hard not to complain. I am proud of his service and even proud that I am capable of thriving as a military wife...but, today, I felt alone and like I needed/need him more than 'they' do. Tomorrow is a new day and he will be home. I will have my chance to exhale and lean on him again. I am so thankful for him. What is that saying about not truly appreciating someone until they're not there? =)

The day started with Hadley coming into my bed at 5 am to tell me her head was making her angry. =( She told me she was ready to feel better and that she loves me. She cuddled in and we both went back to sleep...

After dropping the boys off with Mollie and the girls we got checked in at the hospital right on time. Hadley was totally compliant with the whole stat taking routine even though she's a bit out of practice now. She even remembered most of her favorite nurses and med assistant. They were tickled to see her and how much she'd grown up in a year. =) (This is our team here in Portland. We've been going to the hospital in Seattle for the last year plus.)

The appt with our oncologist was hard...but good. She knows Hadley. I think the fact that she hasn't seen her since June of last year helps, actually. The changes were obvious. Instead of saying "Hadley looks great." she said "Hadley, you look so happy." And that is the truth. We talked, she and Hadley talked, she did a little mini physical, we chatted about the boys...we pet a visiting cat and dog. I really felt like she was seeing Hadley and not spending the entire appointment trying to figure out what expiration date to put on her. At the end of the appointment she did ask me if I wanted her opinion. I told her I did and explained that we still haven't decided about school. She told me that "honestly after seeing her last few sets of films and what I found in the physical...well, Hadley's on her own journey. Most kids wouldn't be here. It's so hard to tell when she will go." She does do everything in her own time and way...so, it's no surprise she's doing this her way too.

Having said that, I had a really hard reality check today. Just when I think I know my girl and her limitations she amazes me. This time it hurt though. After checking with me to make sure it was ok our doctor asked Hadley "What happens when someone dies?" Hadley answered "Everyone is really sad." Up until that moment she hadn't let on at all that there was ANY negative association with dying. She has always talked in a very positive way about dying. I didn't even think it had occurred to her to be fearful that it might hurt or be scary...or that, an even harder concept for her to grasp, those of us she leaves behind would be hurt and sad when she's gone. Hearing that broke my heart. She knows. In some sense I'm glad. I want her to know how much she will be missed...how big her impact is. I don't, however, want her to have to carry the burden of worrying about us staying behind and being sad. My poor sweet girl has obviously been carrying this around with her. She answered without hesitation. All she needed was someone to ask her the right question. *sigh* It blows my mind that she is thinking of us. What a bittersweet blessing...something we once thought her incapable of. Now, during the most trying time of her life her first thought is of us. Her love amazes me. It is so pure and genuine.

So, our oncologist confirmed what I'd been fearing. The tumors are most likely growing down her brain stem When you ask her to stick her tongue out it clearly goes to the left and she BARELY even has a gag reflex left. This would probably explain why she's been having such a hard time swallowing her meds and has given up on food almost entirely. There are a few favorites she'll still put forth the effort for but, in the words of her doctor today "it's just too much work and too frustrating." For the most part she's drinking vanilla ensure. I was reminded that even if she's more comfortable in other positions and places she needs to be eating and drinking sitting up in a hard backed chair. No eating sitting in bed, the car etc. It's just too dangerous now.

Hadley told her without prompting that she has owies in her head and pointed to exactly where it hurts her. I explained that we usually do Tylenol and a nap...but that yesterday was the first day that I really felt like we didn't have control with Tylenol and rest. When she asked Hadley if Tylenol makes her head feel better she just shrugged her shoulders and said "I'm nice...I'm a nice girl." This broke my heart. I think that in her own way she was trying to tell us that when she's being mean and screaming and whatnot that it's not her...it's the pain. I already figured this...but, I kind of feel like my unwillingness to see her disease progressing also kept her uncomfortable...in pain. That's hard. So, from here on out she has a pain med script.

We obviously also talked about our options to care for Hadley. In her opinion, it is time to call in Hospice care. She may only need a weekly visit for the time being but, that's ok. She feels like the resources would be helpful etc. So, she's working on that referral. I thought I'd have a really hard time actually saying "yes, I think it's time too." But, it felt right. I kept my composure through the whole appointment. I kept a smile on my face so as to say "See, I'm handling this ok." or even to hide from other parents where we are on our journey. I've always feared letting newly diagnosed parents see 'worst case scenario'. Oddly, the hardest part, the point at which I finally 'lost it' was walking out of the clinic. I realized that it was our last time. We've spent the last 4 1/2 years of our lives in and out and in and out of these clinics and inpatient floors...and now we're done. The first of the things we'll leave behind. I wasn't prepared. I thought I was doing so well. Hadley bounced out of the clinic saying "Goodbye everyone. I love you." and I cried all the way to the elevator. She is so much stronger than I am.

Well, Hadley actually needs her meds and Liam must be growing because he's working on meal number 42 for the day. We're supposed to have internet by tomorrow afternoon so I'll try and be better about updating.

Please don't forget to email me your addy if you'd like an invite to the ball. FoxiFamily@yahoo.com

With Love and HOPE,
Angela

How Are You?

2008-07-21T14:25:00.002-07:00

The question everyone wants to ask, has asked and then immediately felt bad or has wondered and decided not to ask. "How are you?" I'll spare you all the agony of asking or contemplating asking. I'm just a good friend like that. =)

I am all over the place. Today has been a relatively bad day so usually I wouldn't be sharing...but, I feel like I'm more honest when I'm raw and hurting. I have a lot of feelings and thoughts that I'm not comfortable sharing yet. I have my moments of total panic, heartache, sadness, defeat, anger, physical illness and even entitlement. I'm sure all of these things are normal. The fact that they are doesn't make me feel any better or any more normal for that matter. I feel like our family, our situation, our lives and our losses are totally unique. I know that isn't true but, it feels that way. It makes me really, truly heartsick to acknowledge that SO many other families have traveled a path quite similar to ours.

Normally, next week we'd be doing an MRI to check on the tumors...this has been our schedule for the past 2 years now. I think my body is preparing for it even though it's not happening this time around. Another peds brain tumor parent shared a similar feeling a few weeks ago. I totally understand what he was saying now. At the moment my emotions are all over the place. One minute I'm fine...the next, watch out. I'm a mess.

For, the most part though I am doing well. We are focusing on having FUN. There is no point in wasting days away being sad and trying to anticipate the future. Hadley makes it very easy to live in the now and enjoy every moment of it. In my quiet moments though, I am often scared, sad, lonely, etc.

The boys have a healthy grasp on what is happening. They know that Hadley's tumors are growing and that she will eventually die. They understand, as much as they can, what it means to die. I do purposely allow myself sad moments with them so that they understand that it is OK and normal and encouraged to express their feelings. One area that we do need to work on is encouraging people to shower them with love and kindness. Hadley is getting 'spoiled' from all directions. Everybody wants to help make magic for her (rightly so). But, we do need to remember that the boys are only 4 and 6 and need a little extra 'loves' during this too. So, we are going to try and make one on one 'date' times for the boys with Brandon and I.

Overall...I feel like we are all living well. We are making the most of the days we have. There is a lot of pain below the surface...but, we're dealing with it as we can.

Thanks for checking in on us. Please make sure to visit Hadley's site for pics and more detailed day to day type updates. www.HadleyFox.com

Short, not sweet.

2008-07-14T21:19:00.003-07:00

Hadley's team in Seattle and I have decided that it is time for a new chapter in her journey. We will be contacting Doernbechers this week to enroll in their comfort care program. Our doctors have given us a guesstimate of another 6-12 months with our sweet girl. Enrolling in this program will allow us to spend as much time as possible having fun and staying away from the hospital (it is a home care program).

Hadley is such a gift that we HAVE to focus on the joy she brings to our lives and not the heartbreak we are feeling. She honestly makes it hard to be too sad. She loves life so much. She has always done things her way and in her time...I am finally growing wise enough to embrace this concept and enjoy life with her. =)

Thank you for your continued love, support and prayer. We truly appreciate every last one of you.

Please plan on joining us for Hadley's Annual Birthday Celebration. This year we'll be hosting a "Royal Ball" (think prom for an 8 year old with a Disney princess theme). =) Saturday, September 27th 2008. More details will follow.

Angela

Do you believe in magic?

2008-06-27T17:38:00.003-07:00

Hadley still does! =)

Our sweet girl, Hadley, was born on September 27th, 2000. She was perfect and gorgeous and we were so thankful for her. After a few years of going around and around with doctors about something being 'wrong' we finally got a definite answer. Yes, there was something wrong (I wasn't losing my mind after all). Hadley was diagnosed on 4-22-04 at the age of 3 with a very large brain tumor. She has been on treatment for her tumor since then. In February of this year we got the news that she had relapsed. In addition to the original tumors on the right side of her brain, she now had tumor on the left side of her brain. The new tumor was growing much quicker than the original tumor areas. On May 30th we did another MRI that revealed even more growth and spread. The following week we, with her medical team, made the heartbreaking decision to end treatment and let Hadley have some magic in her life.

Hadley is a 7 year old little girl who loves life. She is happy and funny and loves to be the center of attention. She loves all things frilly and girly. She has a beautiful innocence that I am very envious of and grateful for

Hadley has two brothers Keegan (6) and Liam (4). They are great boys who have been wonderful brothers to Hadley. She loves them both dearly. I'm sure that the compassion and acceptance they have learned through Hadley's journey will carry them far in life.

Hadley's daddy, my husband, is a Petty Officer in the US Coast Guard. We'd love nothing more than to be able to grant Hadley's every wish while she is here with us. But, like most families these days, we are living paycheck to paycheck. If you are willing and able to help us give Hadley some magic we would be eternally grateful.

To learn more about Hadley and her family please feel free to visit: www. HadleyFox. com

Thank You So Much!!!

Angela Fox

What time is it? Summer Time...

2008-06-20T09:03:00.003-07:00

If Brandon were sitting here his eyes would be rolling back in his head. Hadley is on a High School Musical 2 kick. She loves this movie. Adores it. I don't know that Brandon could hate it any more than he does. *ugh* Even I have had the summertime song stuck in my head. Maybe I'll add it to our music queue so you can enjoy it as well. *snort*

So, summer break is under way. The kids are all out of school. We are in Portland. All of our household goods are in storage and we are technically homeless. *snort* We were supposed to be renting a house from some friends in Portland who had accepted a job in San Diego. That job wound up falling through and now they are a couple weeks from the end of the application process with another church in SD. So, we're sort of all hanging out in the house until we know what's going on. Thankfully it's a 6 bedroom house so nobody's sleeping in the living room...yet. =)

I have been sick for a little over a week now. It started out seeming like allergies but it wasn't long before I realized it was obviously not. I am just now starting to get my voice back...but, it's still all Bonnie Rait-ish. Hopefully it'll be back to normal soon. =) I've never had a super feminine voice but, I really don't love sounding like an ultra heavy smoker...or a guy. *ack*

Keegan is in swim lessons and loving it. Hadley and Liam will be signing up soon. Keegan's friend Aubrey was signing up for this session and I decided to let him take them with her. He's been having so much fun and is so proud of his accomplishments. =)

Liam, in true little boy fashion, is covered from head to toe in scrapes, scratches, bruises and scabs. He is a total brut...until he gets hurt...then all he wants is his mama. It's so hard being four. Poor Liam.

Brandon has reported to his new unit. He's been there for a full work week now and is really impressed. He's excited to get to work and complete his qualifications so he can start gaining responsibility. I'm looking forward to the station schedule. He'll have a few weekdays off every week and will have every other Fri/Sat/Sun off. The only downfall is that when he's working he's THERE. No coming home/leaving the station etc. So, I guess it'll kind of be like a business trip or two every week. Except that when he's home...he's HOME. =) I think it'll be nice...we'll see.

In case any of you missed it on Hadley's website...she was deemed "terminal" a few weeks ago. I really hate that word but, it is what it is. We have no idea how long we have with her. I think we may do an MRI at the end of the summer if there isn't an obvious sign of decline. But, she is on what the medical field calls "compassionate care". Meaning that we have changed our focus from treating the tumors to keeping Hadley happy and comfortable. Obviously this is a really hard time for our family. We would appreciate all the prayers and love you can spare.

Alright, I'd better wrap this up.

Hadley Update...

2008-06-01T17:23:00.001-07:00

Friday was MRI day for Hadley. It wasn't a good one. Please see her page for more details.

www.HadleyFox.com

Please pray for our girl!!!

Angela

Happy Birthday!!!

2008-05-15T07:29:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Brandon/Daddy!!! We love you so much. =)

Holy Cuteness Batman!

2008-05-14T22:04:00.007-07:00

I did it! We had the kid's pictures taken for our moms for Mother's Day and I managed not to post them all over the internet before they got their packages! =)

I am so pleased with how they turned out. =)

These are just proofs...in the actual prints the edge of the backdrop is cropped out.

I had a few done of Liam alone because he was in a good mood and we didn't have any of him alone yet, this year. =)

Pampered Chef Link Fixed...

2008-04-30T13:23:00.004-07:00

Sorry. My Pampered Chef link in the previous post wasn't wanting to work. I've fixed it now. Here it is again: http://www.pamperedchef.biz/christinaheath

=)

Like I need an excuse...eye roll =)

2008-04-24T21:36:00.002-07:00

You are cordially invited to a
Pampered Chef Online
FUNdraiser Show

Help Kathy Straughn raise money to
benefit the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation

Order Now – May 31st
(orders will be shipped when the fundraiser closes at the end of May)
Browse and shop on-line at: http://www.pamperedchef.biz/christinaheath

1.
Click on Order Products (bottom left)
2. Type in Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation Under Option 1 as the Organization name.

3. Please choose Ship to Host if you are local to Kathy Straughn in Ashland, VA or Direct Shipping if you are not.

4.
All products in our catalog are available through the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation Fundraiser

You can also take advantage of the May Guest Special. May is Help Whip Cancer Month at The Pampered Chef. You can purchase the following limited time only pink products and $1 from each of these products purchased will be donated to the American Cancer Society: Pink Mini Scoop & Measure for $5, Pink Kitchen Gloves for $10 or Pink Kitchen Brush for $6. Check them out as you browse online.

-20% of all sales will benefit the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation.

-An additional $3 will be donated for bookings.

Christina Heath, Independent Director
540-222-1911 cooking4you@comcast.net

Stevie

2008-04-24T19:01:00.003-07:00

This has been a hard week. Hadley and my cousin Stevie shared so many anniversaries. So, this wasn't just me dreading 4 years of battling a tumor and the anniversary of Hadley's first surgery. April 19th of last year Stevie's body failed and she had to leave it behind. In case there are any of you out there that I haven't talked to about my cousin Stevie-she fought a brain tumor for 5 years although, like Hadley, she was battling it long before it was discovered. They had a long road to diagnosis as well. She was 19 when she died last year. Her birthday is the same week as Hadley's too. Stevie was never defined by her tumor. She was so much bigger than that. I don't know if she ever knew it, and it would never justify all the pain she endured...but, she used it to see even more beauty. She and her mom ministered to families in the hospital by delivering hospital room friendly and non perishable snacks/meals. She saw absolute perfection in children the rest of the world saw/see as broken. MY world was a better place because of Stevie. I used to love to watch Hadley sit and whisper to Stevie. There would be kids and people running, talking, laughing all around them and Stevie would take the time and have the patience to truly listen to what Hadley was trying to communicate. I honestly believe that even if Hadley didn't have a single word in her vocabulary Stevie would have understood her. It was amazing to me that Hadley always knew to go and talk to Stevie. She could listen and really hear. I would venture to say that part of it was the simple fact that they shared the frustration of not being heard...for different reasons...but the same end result. It meant so much to my mommy heart to know that there was someone other than me who was willing to take the time to REALLY hear Hadley.

I SO wish I had taken the time to REALLY hear Stevie. I know I missed out on a lot...and wish I could have given her the chance to be truly heard by one more person. =(

Despite the fact that this has been a crazy hard week I feel good. I am thankful for every day. I am sad. I ma scared. But, I am refusing to let that control me. I am really trying to take charge of my life and make it what I want it to be. It would be easier to just wallow and complain...but, we all deserve more than that. I feel obligated to honor life and live the best I can. I challenge you to do the same.

With Love and HOPE-
Angela

The Fight...

2008-04-24T18:57:00.000-07:00

The first surgery was on 4/27/04. It was a craniotomy to debulk the tumor...or what they call a resection. Until we met with the neurosurgeon (the evening before surgery) we had hope that they would be able to completely remove it. In all cases that is the best case scenario. The neurosurgeon told us he knew that wasn't possible in Hadley's case. Mostly because of tumor location. He was able to get out about 90% though. That last 10 percent was and still is considered inoperable. The tumor margins were not well defined. Meaning that the tumor had not just grown in a benign fashion and caused damage simply by taking up room in the skull. It had actually invaded healthy tissue grown around and attached to arteries, vessels, nerves, glands etc. One knick could make her blind, destroy hormone function or kill her almost instantly. We were lucky. The biggest amount of damage from surgery and the tumor was to the cortico-spinal tract and motor strip...and the frontal lobe. Neither of these immediately threatened her life. She did sustain a knock to the artery that feeds blood to the front of her brain. The first night was very touch and go. The one and only time I've seen our surgeon lose his cool was when he came to check on Hadley in ICU a few hours after surgery. She was quite agitated and her blood pressure was out of control high. He reamed the ICU attending right in front of me. Hadley was in huge danger of a bleed without the high BP, because of the knick,this made it miraculous that she didn't sustain bleed and, best case scenario, have to go back in to surgery. She was in ICU for several days. We brought her home the first week of May looking like a prize fighter (her eye had to be taken out of the socket to get at the optic chiasm and put back) unable to walk and incontenent. She had so much swelling that it took a while for her eye to actually go back into the socket. The hardest part was that she didn't have the expressive language skills to communicate pain etc. We were released with 18 medications. Just a few weeks earlier we had no reason to believe she wasn't perfectly healthy.

30 days after surgery the residual tumor had more than tripled in size. She had to start chemo immdiately. We started with a clinical trial that failed quickly. It was a cocktail of 4 chemos that were really hard on her. She had 2 different central lines placed (short surgery). We spent a lot of time at and in the hospital. I honestly have no idea how I got through it. Keegan was 2...Liam was now 6 months old.

On 10-13-04, just 6 months later we were told that her only shot at beating the tumor was another debulking. This time was harder...we knew more and were a lot more scared to send her. Our amazing surgeon got a little more out than he did in the original surgery and Angela K and I literally squealed and jumped when we saw the scan in his office. The original tumor was the size of a large orange or small grapefruit. Yes, in a 3 year old's skull. The tumor was now a little bigger than a grape. On the scan it appeared that someone had dipped a pencil eraser in white out and dabbed it on the MRI. We were ecstatic. But, we had to start chemo again right away. A month later a port was placed in Hadley's chest and we began a new chemo regimen. This, too, failed.

We went through 4 failures before we started her latest regimen and a finally stable tumor. Our scan in Feb would have been our one year stable out of treatment. Now there are 5 tumors. And no possibility of completely removing any of them.

Did these awful surgeries do any good? Yes...they bought us time to TRY and beat this thing. Had we not done them and not gotten the opportunity to battle like we did I may never have been able to forgive myself for not exhausting our options. Would I consent to another surgery? No. Not without a promise of miraculous and total healing. Would I change the way we've done things? No. I honestly think we've done our best. My one regret is how late we found the tumor. I wish we had found it so much sooner...but who knows if the story would have a happier ending or a more heartbreaking one if we had. We'll never have the luxury of knowing for sure.

The begining...

2008-04-22T12:34:00.003-07:00

Today, 4 years ago, we found Hadley's tumor. We have been fighting this beast for 4 whole years. Long enough that none of our kids remember a time when it wasn't a part of Hadley's and our lives. Please pray for our girl...her brain, her tired body...and my mommy heart. I feel like I've been repeating myself for 4 years. Please pray for Hadley's brain and my heart. Maybe we should head for Oz...seek out new parts. (that's my sick sense of humor--I'm trying hard to laugh)

4 years ago today Hadley was 3 1/2, Keegan was 2 and Liam was 5 months old. We thought Hadley was autistic. We had noticed she'd quit using the left side of her body. We tried to trick her into using it. No luck. In the year and a half prior we had been denied MRI's by several doctors. They didn't want to use anesthesia if they didn't have to. They said she was fine. It's common for autistic kids to have sleep disturbance, seizures and developmental delay. They ignored the failed mini neurological exams. They failed her. Today, 4 years ago...Hadley would finally get that MRI doctors in two states, several offices and even one of the best peds hospitals in the country had denied her. Today, 4 years ago our world would be turned inside out and upside down.
Our morning started at our pediatrician's office. We had called the evening before and they had squeezed us in for an 'urgent' appointment. Our beloved ped took one look at Hadley and knew. She had done an internship at Luccile Packard Hem/Onc (Stanford's Children's Hosp.). She performed an exam though...Hadley failed a Babinsky reflex test...could hardly walk now...and her face was noticeably drooping. Our ped sent Hadley and I home with strict instructions to not let her eat or drink anything. She called the children's hospital in Oakland to see if they could get her in for imaging. She had told us there was "something neurological going on". Duh, she's autistic. We had barely walked in the door when our ped called and told me to go straight to the ER. Brandon met me there. We didn't even know to be terrified. We passed time by taking pictures of Hadley picking her nose and showing them to her. =) We finally got the CT scan done. Brandon and I had to wait in the hall. The techs got to work. I stood and stared at Disney movie posters. A young tech that had previously reminded me of a High School boy came out looking like he'd just lost a beloved family pet. I panicked...but didn't know why. He returned with a doctor. They were in a hurry and didn't say a word to us. When they came out to tell us we could take her back to the ER there was no joking, no smiles, nothing. It was silent. I was really uncomfortable and scared. We waited and waited and waited back in the ER. Our appts had started at 9 am...it was now around 6pm and we still knew nothing. Finally the ER attending and the resident who had been treating Hadley came in and closed the door. My heart skipped a beat...then the attending said "As you know we did the CT scan to rule out a brain tumor." We let them know that we had not been told that. They just kept on talking...almost over the top of us...like they had rehearsed this and couldn't get off track. The following sentence changed our lives forever. "Unfortunately, we weren't able to do that. Your daughter has a massive brain tumor." What? What? What? I didn't dare ask them to repeat this...I couldn't hear it twice. They kept talking Brandon freaked out. Hadley was still asleep from the anesthesia. They talked about complications and said they were ready for her in ICU. Brandon had calmed down. I took this as my cue to lose it. I screamed. I swore. I told them it wasn't possible. I yelled at them that she had autism not a brain tumor. I dropped the F bomb several times. I cried and cried and yelled. They told us they'd give us a few minutes and would bring a phone for us...that we should call and have our families come right away. We explained that they were out of state...and they told us they needed to get on planes and get here. ICU, traveling family, brain tumor...I cried some more. I was totally panicked. We made the calls...and got carted off to the ICU.

The first night was hard...I stayed at the hospital and Brandon went home to stay with the boys. I hadn't breastfed Liam since that morning and was in a lot of pain. Gina came, she had been 'here'...literally...in THIS ICU room...waiting on the same neurosurgeon, with the same IV steroids pumping into her daughter's body to reduce swelling. She brought snacks and hugs and a worried face. I had shut down my emotions. I couldn't survive if I let myself feel any of this. Hadley pulled an IV in the middle of the night. It was awful...but, nothing compared to what was to come. The following days are a blur. I have no idea when my mom and John or Brandon's mom got there. I have no idea what any of the doctors said. The first thing I remember after that is sitting in our Neurosurgeon's office while he explained the surgery and his expectations of it.

This is the beginning of the end of our 'old' world, our 'old' normal, our 'old' hopes and dreams and our 'old' sweet girl...

Overdue

2008-04-17T08:39:00.005-07:00

A few pictures I took with my new camera yesterday. Today is my birthday and I got a new camera from Brandon's parents. =) Yay! Iloved my 'old' camera but it was really big and awkward and hard to handle with 3 kids running all over. =) Now I have a Sony CyberShot that I love. =) Yay for birthdays...even when they are your 30th...Oy. =)

I realized today that I never updated here after Hadley's latest MRI. *oops* We received one of those "small" miracles. Typically new tumors don't just pop up all over the brain and then sit and do nothing. But, that is what Hadley's did. =) Our docs can't really explain it. They are growing...just VERY slowly. They are being called "Stable". This is a tricky term in the world of Oncology. It is good...sometimes the best, but it can be misleading. Stable technically means that the tumors haven't grown significantly, or increased more than 25% in volume to be exact. Regardless, this news is still much better than the news that we, and our doctors, were expecting. =) We're still battling with some long term brain tumor stuff..but over all Hadley seems to have stabilized. =) Her next MRI is the last week of May. We are so thankful for this miracle...and hope that it lasts and lasts. =)

Thank you so much for the prayers and thoughts for our family.

The thing that hurts the most...

2008-04-03T00:20:00.003-07:00

This is a picture of Hadley this evening. No words can describe the way my heart has broken over and over again in the last few weeks. I have watched her body fail her...and it hurts so much.

Our family life is in transition. For the last year-ish we have been able to sort of goosh into the 'typical' life. We've had reminders here and there that our 'normal' is not typical...but, for the most part we've been able to 'play normal'. Adjusting to (what I lovingly/grudgingly-depending on my mood-call) life in the trenches. Our lives have started revolving around our girl and her brain tumors again. It's not a fun world to live in. I won't apologize for the fact that I am about to be living, eating. breathing, dreaming brain tumor and Hadley's care. I try to preserve as big a piece of myself as I can. I will try to remember that people want to have conversations that don't include the latest trial chemo drugs, the best neurosurgeons in the country and the fact that I envy people who have never had a chronically ill child. But, be patient with me. Please.

Please pray for my girl. Pray for my boys. I think they're pretty swell. Regardless, they shouldn't have to 'deal' with any of this. They're growing up so fast...having to learn lessons they shouldn't have to learn this young. My heart hurts for them. Please pray for Brandon and I as we make decisions for Hadley...and remember to lean on each other through it all. Pray for our friends and family...they are going to need strength and patience to 'deal' with and support us...all while they're hurting too.

Please pray that our move goes smoothly and that we find a home so I can stop worrying about it. =)

Pray for all of our Brain Tumor friends...and hurting kiddos and their parents everywhere.

Please pray for cousin Stevie...and her family who are coming up on one year of missing her. We love you and miss you Stevie. Steve, Gina, Aly and Noah we love you.

(wow, I sound really needy don't I?)

Just pray! It's the only thing I know to do when I'm feeling this 'lost' and helpless.

www.HadleyFox.com (MRI on Friday!!!)

Heavy...

2008-03-30T22:07:00.002-07:00

Today alone 9 children in the US will be diagnosed with a brain tumor and 3 will die as a result of theirs!!!

Hadley is in this video. This is a really scary time for our girl. I have posted journals on her website touching on my thoughts and feelings about her declining health and what this tumor is doing to her body. We are scared for her. For a few years now we've fought quality of life battles...now we're fighting FOR her life. I know that is hard to read. It is even harder to type.

Brain Tumor Facts
From www. TTPF. org

- Annually well over 3,500 children (ages 0-19) are diagnosed with a brain tumor.

- Brain tumors can be malignant or benign. Even benign brain tumors can be life-threatening depending on location.

- There are more than 120 types of brain tumors, making effective treatment very complicated.

- Brain tumors are treated by surgery, radiation therapy and chemotherapy used either individually or in combination.

- In the past 20 YEARS only ONE new cancer drug has been approved for pediatric use.

- The cause of pediatric brain tumors is unknown.

- 40% of children with brain tumors will die of the disease.

- Childhood cancers in the United States are orphan diseases. An estimated 12,400 children will be diagnosed with cancer in 2007.

- Among the 11 major types of childhood cancers, leukemia, brain and other central nervous system tumors account for over half the new cases.

- Approximately 70% of children with cancer participate in clinical trials compared to only 3% of adult cancer patients. Many of the advances in adult cancer treatments are due to breakthroughs in childhood cancer research.

- The National Cancer Institute spends $4.8 billion on all cancer research. Only 3% ($170 million) is directed to pediatric cancer research. That’s 3% for all kinds of pediatric cancer combined.

- Improving the outlook for children with brain tumors requires research into the causes of and better treatments for brain tumors.

Wow...

2008-03-13T12:25:00.002-07:00

This has been one crazy year so far. I can't it believe it's mid-March already. Where does the time go?

Brandon is home from winter patrol. The lucky guy got to spend Christmas off the coast of Panama working on his 'tan'. *snort* It was hard on all of us to have him gone...but, we always find a way to make things work and this was no different. In an odd way it kind of feels like a right of passage. We are, after all, a military family. I'm proud to say that we managed to make it a great Christmas despite all the trials. The kids had a great time and that's what is most important. We had a few huge cell phone bills due to International calls to and from Daddy...but we all smiled through it (for the most part).

Hadley, in case you don't read her page (www.HadleyFox.com), has relapsed. Her tumor has now spread to the left side of her brain and there are spots near the back of her brain as well. This was totally unexpected, caught us totally off guard...and honestly...devastated us. It's been almost 3 weeks now since her last MRI and we are really focusing on keeping things 'normal'. I had grand ideas of traveling and saying adios to the rest of the world for a bit. A sort of "just in case" thing...but, I soon realized that the best thing for all three of the kids, for now, is to keep their lives as 'normal' (stable) as possible. Hadley has another MRI in 3 weeks. He treatment options are very limited (if there are any at all) and we need to see how aggressive these new tumors are before we decide on a plan of action. This made me really nervous at first...but, when the reality of the situation finally hit me I understood that it truly is the best for Hadley. All of the treatment options we 'may' have are a lot more intense than what we've had to put her through in the past. If we can avoid them and prolong her quality of life we're more than willing to do so. The clinical term for this plan is "watch and wait"...I don't like waiting very much...so we're learning how to "watch and LIVE" instead. We're aware that her symptoms are worsening...but are working hard to go about our lives until we know what we're dealing with. It's a hard lesson to learn...but an essential one. Please pray for our sweet girl's miracle.

The boys are doing great. Keegan is LOVING the fact that he can read. He's really flying through his advanced reading program now. I'm so proud of him. Today he was doing homework and he was supposed to find pictures that started with the letter K. He often complains that his homework is for babies...anyway, there was a picture of a cat. He started to color it. I said "does Cat start with K" without missing a beat he answers with "No, it starts with C. But Kitten starts with K, MOM." Oh my!

Liam is still our sweet little monkey. He's always cracking us up and showering us with love and kisses and definitely keeping us on our toes. I am so thankful God chose to bless our family with him. =) His latest escapade was scaling the refrigerator to get at a cake that was sitting on top. We have pergo flooring in the kitchen which can bee pretty slippery. He brought a chair from the dining room (all the way down the hall) then put a plastic 4 legged stool from Ikea on top of it...apparently that wasn't tall enough so he then emptied out a plastic toy bin and put that on top of the stool. I really wish I'd taken a picture. Honestly I was so freaked out it didn't cross my mind at the time. Anyhow, he climbed up this death trap and sat on top of the fridge and at the entire top layer of the cake!!! There was chocolate frosting EVERYWHERE!!! I was so glad he didn't break his neck I could hardly even punish him. We did have a quite extensive safety discussion however. Monkey.

Brandon was promoted in August and is now over qualified for his current billet. Usually when this happens you get short toured immediately and just get sent wherever you're needed. The command took pity though and let us 'rotate' during the normal station change season. We got orders last week and are headed to Station Portland (Oregon not Maine). Phew. Thankfully we are already established with doctors down there so all we'll have to do is have charts from the past year transferred. If worse comes to worse we can travel back up here to meet with our current docs. Our move date will be around June 15th. So, we've got about 3 months to prepare for the movers, purge household clutter and find a new home. The boys are excited to go to Columbia Christian. I'm praying my heart out for a scholarship or financial assistance. Oy. We'll have to set up schooling for Hadley once we have an address. The sooner the better!

I'm still selling a little Mary Kay here and there. I'm not real gung ho about it...and that's ok. I'm not a real sales-person type. *ha ha* But, if you need it, I have it. Mostly, at this point, it's just supporting my own MK habit. Eventually I may get more serious about it. www.MaryKay.com/AngelaFox

Brandon and I celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary on Monday. I can't believe it's really been that long. We've been through some pretty crazy stuff together. I can honestly say I'm quite proud of 'us'. I think we're doing pretty darn well at this whole marriage thing. *giggle* So, congrats to us. =)

I do have new pictures to post but those will have to wait until another day.

Maybe if I update more often I won't have to write such a novel. *ugh* I need to get on a better schedule...maybe I'll add blogging time to it.

Have a great weekend. I'm sure I'll have some pictures ready next week.

I lied...

2008-01-24T19:17:00.000-08:00

In my last post I stated I haven't been taking many pictures. Yeah, I lied. I didn't realize how many I had in my camera. *sigh*

So here are a ton of pictures in 6 different slideshows...and because I'm lazy I copied and pasted everything from Hadley's webpage blog. I'm just that inconsiderate these days. Have I mentioned I'm ready for this patrol to be over and for my husband to be home? Oh, I have? Never mind then. *LOL* I am DONE with single parenting. =)

Ok, so here ya go:

Hello,

Well, Morgan's miracle is well under way. Please continue to pray as she still has a big battle ahead of her. www.caringbridge.org/ca/morganfaith

I've got a TON of pictures to share. I downloaded for the first time in months last night. Gotta love those huge memory cards that just enable me to be lazy about it. =) So, I don't have a lot to say tonight. Things are status quo here. Which is a blessing. =)

The slideshows are in backwards order.

The 1st is Keegan's birthday last weekend. =) Yes, my sweet boy is 6. =)
The 2nd is the boys opening their new Nerf Tag guns and enjoying them. (thanks Uncle Brian and Auntie Manda)
The 3rd are some pics from our "Christmas" with Uncle Clay, Uncle Brian and Auntie Manda
The 4th is Daddy's ship leaving on December 12th.
The 5th is a few random shots right before Daddy left. Including "Christmas" with the Keane's and Keegan's hair cut.
The 6th is the Winter Celebration and visit with Santa at Keegan's school. Our local Fire Dept was GREAT! =)

Enjoy.

Here are the slideshows:

Thanks for checking in on us. We hope your new year is going well. Please continue to pray for Morgan, our daddy and the crew of the Mellon, and all those kids out there fighting brain tumors.

With Love and HOPE,
Angela and Family

Where does the time go?

2008-01-13T15:12:00.000-08:00

I haven't come back and blogged because I really don't have much to say. Weird huh? I've not been taking many pictures...and nothing huge has really happened. Brandon's patrol is a little more than half way over. Yay! This patrol really has gone pretty quickly. Usually I HATE it when people comment on how quickly Brandon's 2 to 4 month patrols go by. I mean really? You send your husband away for that amount of time and then I'll tell YOU how quickly it went by for me. *LOL* But, really, this one is going by pretty quickly. The ship is in port right now so we've gotten to talk to him a few times. It's amazing to me how expensive those calls are and that our cell providers don't have any deals for our US service members making international calls. We are currently paying $2.29/minute to speak to him so that he doesn't have to stand at a pay phone alone to talk to us (which can actually be dangerous). After dark they all have to be in groups of 3 or more...so pay phones are pretty much out of the question. Enough with my whining I suppose. Obviously the calls are worth the exorbitant, in my opinion, price. I guess I just feel like we're making a big enough sacrifice being away from him. Why should we sacrifice something from another area of our budget just for the luxury of hearing his voice? **Grrr** Ok, now I'm really done. I promise.

The kids are the same as always. Happy 'little' balls of energy and wit. Keegan turns 6 on Friday. WHAT?!? When did this happen? I have a 7,6 and 4 year old? I feel so very old. We are going to Portland for the weekend. Keegan wanted to spend some time with his favorite little gal pal Aubrey. They went to Pre K together and he is smitten with her...luckily for him it's a mutual feeling. Sweet kids. Apparently he does have some competition now that they're in a long distance relationship...but Aubrey's mom reassures me that she has her heart set on marrying Keegan. Apparently he "is a really smart boy who makes 'her' laugh a lot." =)

I bought the Deceptively Delicious cookbook with a Xmas gift card so I've been busying thumbing through that. I've got a nice size stock of puree'd sweet potatoes, cauliflower, spinach, carrots and avocado. I've tried a few of the recipes. I have liked all of them. It's going to take some time for the kids to feel the same way I think. A few of the recipes will go over a lot better with a few minor tweaks. So far we've tried the brownies, chocolate fondue and Mozzarella Sticks. I'm still trying to decide what to try next. I'm thinking it'll be the chocolate pudding though. Both the chocolate recipes went over well with Hadley...so that's good. Any way I can get a few veggies into her body works for me. =) I would like to get the Sneaky Chef cookbook though and try a few of those recipes too though. I've heard the brownies are to die for. Who'da thunk?

Well, i'd better sign off for now. The kids are playing nicely in the yard on their swing set. I should probably take advantage of these few moments of peace.

Please continue to pray for the safety of the USCGC Mellon, for Hadley and all the sick kiddos in the world. And especially our sweet little friend Morgan . She and her parents are headed for California for cardiac cath lab. The results of this 'exploratory surgery' will reveal wether Morgan has any treatment options left. This is VERY big for she and her family. Please pray for this family,for safe travels, and for Morgan's miracle.

Angela